The Truth Sometimes Hurts
by Lgfaenatics
Summary: A series of one shots of by some of your favorite Doccubus writers. The prompt was to either re-write or extend the scene in 4x05 where Lauren tells Bo she's staying with the dark.
1. A Cage of My Own

A/N

Hey Everyone!

Please read all of these one shots and vote for up to three of your favorites on our profile page. The winner will be getting an autographed Zoie Palmer picture so it's important to vote! You have until 7/29/14 to get your votes in. Note, you can't vote on the mobile view. So if you're on your phone change it to the table/desktop view!

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_A Cage of My Own_

_Written for the Doccubus Fanfiction Competition. _

_I do hope you enjoy._

**Disclaimer: ****I do not own, nor do I make money from these characters.**

"_The heart is not like a box that gets filled up;_

_It expands in size the more you love. _

_I'm different from you. _

_This doesn't make me love you any less... _

_It actually makes me love you more"_

_-Spike Jonze, Her_

_**I don't think that I can go back there...**_

Lauren Lewis looked up into the eyes of her lover, admitting for the first time that not only could she not return home with her, but that she had no desire to.

It had been hard for Lauren. Always last, always expected to deliver, to save and heal, to solve the problem. She was tired now, tired of being looked over, brushed off and now she had been given the opportunity to live and be free, safely amongst the Dark Fae. Her heart ached for Bo, but going back to the Light meant risking more than just her freedom, but her life. She hated that Bo couldn't see that, wouldn't see that.

Bo had tried to sway her, she really did.

"We can be free together," Bo said, hoping to convince Lauren that everything would be okay, that she really could protect her from the Light, that had seemed to take a dark turn; hoping to rid their side of all human connectivity. Lauren tried to remain strong, feeling the seams of her heart begin to unravel as she once again told Bo no, that she couldn't come home with her. Lovingly, she placed a tender hand upon the Succubus's shoulder. Bo grabbed it tenderly, taking it in her own before looking hard into Lauren's eyes, "When you're ready to come home..." she said pausing, "just say the word". Lauren watched sadly as Bo walked past her, feeling as though she had once again, let go of the only person she'd ever truly loved.

...

Bo's chest seized as she let out a silent breath, feeling her heart break as she was once again, denied by Lauren. She didn't understand it; she was a natural when it came to lust and encompassing people in it. Whoever she wanted, she could have, and yet with Lauren, it just didn't seem that way. She knew Lauren loved her, deeply, but she wasn't affected by her like the others. She was so much stronger than Bo had ever given her credit.

The second she had walked away, she wanted to turn back, to grab Lauren and tell her she'd do anything she wanted, if only she'd take her back but Bo seemed to have done something that Lauren's heart couldn't forgive. Maybe it was a mixture of things: cheating on her with Dyson, sleeping with other people- albeit at the consent of Lauren, Bo reminded herself- perhaps it was due to her being a Succubus maybe? Being Fae even? Bo couldn't say it was just one thing, but, she knew due to certain events, that Lauren had put up a wall, impenetrable by Bo and her feelings for her.

Bo thought on, feeling she was strong enough to protect Lauren, if only she'd give her the chance; but then a fleeting image of the Una Mens flashed before her eyes. She could almost feel her chi being sucked back out from her like they had done earlier that day. She could see how even though they said they possessed no desire other than to deliver just punishment unswayed by emotion, that they did have ulterior motives, and a vengeance fueled by personal feelings. Bo couldn't blame Lauren for not wanting to return, when she really thought about it. Unfortunately, the Light wasn't a safe side to stay on for most Fae at this point in time, and especially not if you were of the human variety. Bo's shoulders slumped as she leaned against the wall, still out of eyesight of Lauren, who had as well, stood leaning against a wall, deep in her own thoughts.

Bo found herself wondering why it had upset her so much that Lauren preferred the company of the Dark. It made sense, and it was biased and ignorant of Bo to believe that if you came from Dark ancestry that you were a bad person. If Bo left this Dark Fae party, leaving Lauren, she had a feeling in her gut that Lauren would not come crawling back to the Light. Lauren was strong, and although Bo knew very much that she loved her, Lauren's dignity was far stronger. Nothing Bo did could make the seemingly fragile human doctor love Bo any less, but many things could occur that could potentially keep them from having the relationship both women wished of having with one another; and this was one of those situations.

Bo turned quickly, feeling an electric shock of urgency pulse through her. She had time to fight the Una Mens. She had time to save the world. Those responsibilities weren't going anywhere, but what could very well disappear, if Bo wasn't careful, was the connection shared between her and Lauren.

She peaked her head around the corner, heartbeat quickening when she saw her, slumped on the floor, legs crossed, with her head buried in her hands. She wasn't crying, but hiding, very obviously distressed. If Bo went to her, everything could change. Maybe all she needed to do was show Lauren how loyal she truly was to her, instead of running off in hopes that her own passiveness would somehow lure her back. Bo felt that if there was anyone in the world she could show weakness to, it was Lauren. And so, with a ridged step, she walked out into the open room.

Silently, Bo stood there, watching Lauren, unsure of what to say. A small fraction of her felt defeated, as though she had lost in some way, because not having left, somehow meant she was weak. She knew that wasn't true of course, but that didn't stop her from feeling it. Bo let out a quiet breath, standing stiffly a few feet before Lauren. Slowly, Lauren raised her head from the palms of her hands, eyes and cheeks pink and puffy.

"...Bo?" she asked in a whisper, looking to the nervous Succubus. Bo nodded, "Yeah." she replied, walking to Lauren and coming to her knees. Gingerly, she took Lauren's hands in hers, kissing softly the tops of her fingers.

"I know we've had our problems...but, you're right, Lauren. It isn't safe for you to come back with me. I just didn't want to admit that maybe, I can't protect you." she told her softly, tenderly cupping Lauren's cheek. Lauren's eyes closed as she leaned into Bo's touch, feeling every fear she had had, wash away completely, "my home is with you, Lauren. Where ever you are, is where I want to be." she admitted. She knew the others would always be there; besides, for the time being, she sort of belonged to the Dark. But, things would be different from now on. She might actually have to live as she preached, unbiased between Light and Dark; because as much as Bo liked to say she was neither, in her heart, she knew she'd choose the Light if it really came down to it. Lauren took in a shaking breath, "I didn't expect you to come back." she told her sadly, looking up into Bo's dark eyes. Bo's stomach dropped, "I never left...I couldn't get myself to. I knew that if I did, we might not get another chance, and that's something I wasn't willing to risk."

Lauren smiled weakly before running a hand through Bo's hair and pulling her in. This kiss wasn't passionate. It wasn't purely sexual. It was everything that the two had wanted to say, but couldn't. Lauren could finally exhale, could finally take a full breath, as she closed her eyes she felt the lips of her lover delicately caress over her own. She felt one of Bo's fingers slip under the thin black strap of her little black dress, sliding it slowly off her shoulder where Bo continued to kiss her. Butterflies and intense heat flickered over her body, swarming in her stomach and settling deep within her. She loved how her body reacted to Bo's touch, without the help of Bo's lustful abilities. It was natural, instinctual and if they weren't careful, could rapidly turn into uncontrollable passion; which wasn't always appropriate depending on their surroundings, like this one for example. They were tucked away in the Morrigan's office, hoping that this particular room wouldn't be as easily stumbled upon as the last one they had been in while "celebrating" during the Dark Fae party earlier that day. The two had desperately wanted and needed this alone time together.

Bo continued to kiss; across the collar bone, to the other shoulder where she slipped off the other black strap. Lauren let her head rest back against the wall, relishing in Bo's touch. She felt her lips travel down her right arm, across her now exposed breasts and up, back to her own lips. Letting out a light moan, Bo grabbed at Lauren's hips, pulling her lean frame onto her lap and repositioning so that Bo was now sitting against the wall with Lauren straddling her. With dark eyes, Bo looked up to Lauren, smiling devilishly. Lauren couldn't help the airy chuckle that escaped her, lightly pressing herself into Bo's groin. Bo leaned in, capturing Lauren's lips once again, biting tenderly on her bottom lip, and without warning, slowly slipped two fingers inside Lauren's heat. The young doctor let a moan escape her and her head fell back, eyes closed. Every nerve in her body was on fire, ignited and alert. Bo's sex was more than good, it was life changing; it was as though she had somehow discovered a "How To" handbook for Lauren's body and memorized every sentence. Taking hold of Bo's shoulders, she continued to grind into her, feeling herself building rapidly. At one moment, she thought it'd probably be a good idea if she lowered her cries of passion, but then Bo curled her fingers, hitting that special spot inside her that sent her flying over the edge. Staggered breaths and bursts of profanity spilled from Lauren's mouth as she rode out her orgasm, clutching to Bo's shoulder with shaking hands. Her heart beat in her throat, legs wobbly like Jell-O. Sweat trickled down her breasts, inhaling deeply to catch a breath that simply would not catch. Finally, she opened her eyes, smiling that smirk, and looking to Bo. Bo bit her bottom lip, quite obviously pleased with herself. Looking briefly to her left, she saw the Morrigan in a large black and white photo, hung on the wall behind her desk and not a second later, Ebony herself came waltzing in, but then again, it was her office.

Stopping in her tracks her eyes widened at the scene before her, a smile creeping onto her face as she crossed her thin arms over her chest, "Well..." she said as Lauren frantically removed herself from Bo's lap, pulling the traps of her dress up and over her shoulders.

Bo, who never felt bad for showing intimacy, calmly stood, straightening out her hair and looking to the Morrigan with a less than interested look.

"I should go." Lauren said quietly to Bo but Bo furrowed a brow.

"I'm coming with you." she said, taking a step as Lauren moved to leave, but Ebony took a small step to the side, blocking Bo from following, "Carry on, Doctor. The Succubus and I have things to discuss."

Lauren looked over her shoulder, a sorry expression on her face. Irritably, Bo bit the inside of her cheek, looking to Ebony with a stiff jaw. Once Lauren had gone, the Morrigan walked to her desk, casually leaning against its edge.

Bo let out a sigh. Dealing with the leader of the Dark was the last thing she wanted to do with her evening. She had imagined that the night would turn out something like her leaving with Lauren, making a romantic dinner and loving one another until the young doctor simply couldn't go again. Bo smiled at the thought, briefly withdrawn from reality. When she refocused her mind, however, the Morrigan was looking at her with a cocked brow, "You look lost." she said in that tone that Bo couldn't stand.

"What do you want?" Bo said rudely, not wanting to waste anymore time with this woman than necessary.

"I'm not sure I like your tone." the Morrigan teased, knowing she could now do and say whatever she wanted to the Succubus she had hated for so long, "Okay, okay." she said, "I know how to break the contract you signed with the Dark."

Bo stood there, a complacent expression gracing her face, "Yeah...you said that earlier and your little goose chase got me nowhere."

Ebony nodded before responding, "Yes well, that was all apart of the plan. I needed something done, and I needed you to do it. But, I can assure you, I do know how to break that contract. I could just tell you, but that wouldn't be nearly as fun, would it?" she said with a smile, flashing her pearly whites. Her words caught Bo's attention, but really, her trust for this woman...well let's just say, she'd tell Vex her secrets long before she told them to Ebony.

"What do you want?" Bo inquired, crossing her arms tighter over her chest.

Ebony removed herself from the edge of the desk, walking with a sexy stride over to Bo, "Well.." she said, standing uncomfortably close, "It begins with a beautiful human doctor..." she paused, looking hard into Bo's eyes, "And ends with the Una Mens...because, let's be honest, who doesn't want them dead?"


	2. Broken Strings

She had to get out of here.

That was the first thought that crossed Bo's mind while she got out of The Morrigan's office after hearing Lauren saying that she didn't want to leave the dark and therefore she would not come back to the clubhouse with her.

_Why?_

Bo felt betrayed, she was worried for Lauren, she was desperate trying to figure out if she was in danger or worse, if the doctor forgot about her.

But she was here making friends with The Morrigan and going to parties in places Bo never thought she would be.

-What happened?-she asked herself.

-Problems in heaven, succubus?

The Morrigan's voice got her out of her thoughts while Bo let out a breath, she didn't wanted a fight now, she was tired and she didn't wanted anything else than get home and get drunk with Kenzi who will hear her problems and to tell her after that Lauren was stupid for not coming with her.

-Let me alone, Morrigan.-said Bo trying to get out of The Morrigan's building.

-I see...your precious Lauren chose the dark and not you, right?

Bo frowned before trying to attack The Morrigan who only got her hand up stopping Bo's attack and throwing her to the other side of the building.

Just at the same time that Lauren got out of the office.

-Bo!-shouted Lauren running to her.

-Bitch...-said Bo looking at The Morrigan.

-No, Bo, I'm not the bitch here.-said The Morrigan.-...you think that you girlfriend that is not your girlfriend anymore go back to you like nothing happened after the way you treated her like a dirt to put the wolf or the valkyrie before her. Is that the way you treat all your lovers?

-It's not like that.-said Bo.

-And if it's not enough you ask all that from her after months without looking for her, do you know why Dyson is looking for her now?-laughed The Morrigan.-...because he saw Lauren when we were kidnapping her and he did nothing to stop us.

-Shut up!-shouted Bo.-...that's not true, Dyson never would let Lauren behind.

The Morrigan laughed while Lauren looked to the floor and Bo could feel her own need to kill that woman but was fighting against it.

-But he did it...-said The Morrigan.-...I could tell you everything you need to know succubus, but I'm gonna let the doctor her the honor, good luck trying to clean your own mess.

The Morrigan walked away leaving Lauren to help Bo to get comfortable in other office while the succubus looked at her trying to get Lauren to agree with her about what The Morrigan was saying.

-Lauren?-asked Bo locking eyes with her.

-Wait...-said Lauren.-...let me close the door.

She didn't waited for Bo's response while she got up and closed the door getting only a moment to compose herself.

_So this is the moment..._

She though of many ways to tell Bo everything but nothing compared to this. Bo was still waiting for her and for a moment Lauren allowed herself to think that they were back home, only the two of them and without all this problems.

Away from her own choices and from the pain she had suffered with the Fae.

-Lauren...Dyson would never...-started Bo.

-No?-asked Lauren.-...really?

The next thing Bo saw was a video, a security video from one of the restaurants they passed in their way home. In that video she saw two mens kidnapping Lauren and some girl while she and Dyson passed the with their car and the wolf turned briefly looking at Lauren.

-Its impossible for Dyson, a wolf, couldn't see or smell me, Bo.-said Lauren.-...he saw me getting kidnapped and he let me there.

-No...he...-murmured Bo unable to say anything.-..why?

-For you.-said Lauren.-...he was scared of the possibility that if you saw me, you would rescue me.

And of course she would rescue her, if she knew Lauren was in danger she wouldn't had hesitated to save her without caring about Dyson or wathever that was by her side.

-Lauren I'll...I'll talk to him.-said Bo.-...and he would ask for forgiveness...

-It doesn't matter anymore.-said Lauren.-...this is one of the many reasons for me not going back with you and let me tell you something else, before you said that I could return to my real family...what family, Bo?

-Me and Kenzi...-said Bo without thinking.-...Dyson, Hale, Tamsin, Trick...even Vex.

Lauren laughed at her words making Bo confused, she didn't understood pain filled laugh and the nearly teared eyes.

-That's my family?-asked Lauren.-...then we talk about them.

-Lauren...-said Bo trying to stop her.

-No, come on...-insisted Lauren.-...let's start with Trick.

Bo breathed, something told her that this wont be a easy talk she could see it in Lauren's body language, in her eyes.

It was like she hated them.

-Trick respect your work.-said Bo.

-But he doesn't respect me.-said Lauren.-...how many times I'm only the mere human? How many times he said our relationship wouldn't work? How many times he played with everyone?

-He only tries to protect me.-said Bo

-Well, it seem that protect you always means hurt me.-frowned Lauren.-...next one, Hale.

-He's been your friend for years.-said Bo.

Lauren punched the table frustrated while she pushed herself from Bo unable to understand how Bo could be that stupid.

-Hale started to treat me differently when he learn that I was the other one fighting for your love.-said Lauren.-...and when he became Ash...well, I think everybody knows how that ended.

Bo looked down, she couldn't say anything against what Lauren was saying about Trick and Hale, the two of them didn't treated Lauren well over the years and now she could remember moments when she let them treat the doctor that way.

-And Dyson?-laughed Lauren.-...noble Dyson who let me alone when I needed him for his fear to lose you.

-Lauren I promise I will talk to him about that.-said Bo trying to stop her again.

-Or Tamsin?-said Lauren ignoring her.-..why didn't you tell me about the kiss you shared with her during your invitation to the Dawning?

Bo's face paled while she remembered the moment when Tamsin kissed her and she couldn't do nothing to stop it, she never though that the valkyrie would tell Lauren nothing about that.

And that kiss happened in the same week that Lauren broke up with her.

_Wait a moment..._

-You broke up with me for that?-asked Bo.-...because Lauren, that was nothing, she kissed me and that's all, I promise that's the only thing that happened between us.

-Oh Bo, believe me when I tell you that this is not the only reason.-said Lauren.-...but now let me continue with my family, who's next? Ah yes...Kenzi.

-Kenzi is Kenzi, Lauren.-said Bo.-...she never thinks what she says...

-Kenzi is the woman I envy in this damned world, Bo and she hates me for loving you.-murmured Lauren.

Bo forced herself to look at the floor trying to put her thoughts in order, Lauren started full of hate but now she was more calm, she looked almost resigned and with more pain reflected in her eyes.

-She doesn't hate you for loving me.-said Bo.-...she doesn't want to be less that you or your brilliant mind.

-If I could I would change with her everything I have and I know for a little of her freedom.-murmured Lauren.

And the way that she said it was enough to break Bo's heart because there was nothing more tragic than see the freedom desire in Lauren's eyes.

A freedom that she couldn't give her.

-Lauren...-said Bo.-...you don't have to change anything, like I said before I could fight for you, claim...

-Claim me...-said Lauren.-...I know Bo and I know you would do it without a doubt but I don't want that.

-Then what do you want?-asked Bo desperated for an answer.

Lauren looked at her then with a smile that she only wear when the answer was obvious.

-Much more than I can ask for, Bo.-said Lauren.-...I wanted to heal Nadia and failed, I wanted to be accepted and failed, I wanted respect and look what that turned out and I...I wanted you, Bo, I love you and I can't have you.

-Why!?-shouted Bo.-...we fighted against The Garuda, against the light and the dark, you love me and I love you!

-We're not ready.-said Lauren.

The doctor had to look other way to stand in the pain of her own answer, she didn't wanted to admit it but the truth was that she and Bo weren't ready for a relationship, no in this moment with everything changing and not when she didn't know her own destiny.

Bo breathed, she didn't wanted that answer, she didn't knew a lot of things but she did know that she loved Lauren like mad, it was like even in the end the only thing that she could see clearly was Lauren and she didn't understand why Lauren was against them now.

-Bo, we love each other yes, but that's not enough.-said Lauren trying to stop the tears.-...I can accept you nature but...but when you mix feelings.

-...Tamsin was a mistake.-reassured Bo walking to Lauren and grabbing her hands.-..and Dyson...Lauren I'm not in love with him.

-Then you use him only for sex?-asked Lauren.

Bo didn't knew what to say, she didn't what to tell Lauren that she was luring him for sex because she though about the monster that would make her.

_The next time I'll talk to him...I have to end that too..._

-Bo you're not ready to make me your priority, not with all this problems or people who need your full attention...-said Lauren.-...and I'm not part of your family, I'm a mere human, a slave.

-Don't say that, Lauren.-said Bo.-...Maybe I have a lot in my mind lately but that means nothing, when the day ends you and Kenzi are my priority besides, I'm sure they will accept you like you are...like the woman I love.

Lauren gave her a sad smile, all in Bo was promises and beautiful words but the truth was another one and she needed to start facing the facts now.

She wasn't the one that Bo needed.

She took Bo's hands with all the love she felt for her and she looked at her eyes letting the tears fall like in that other talk they had when they said "I love you" for the first time.

The first time she knew she would never be enough for Bo.

-You have a life before you, Bo.-said Lauren.-...one life that is full of adventures and where you would realize everything about yourself, your past, present and future were you go from here, you will live fantastic adventure and you will find someone to make you happy.

-You make me happy.-pleaded Bo.-...Lauren, you are...

Lauren kissed her to stop her from saying the words, Bo couldn't say that to her because this wasn't the moment, because even if she said or really felt her words they couldn't have a relationship now.

-You too...said Lauren against her lips.-...and maybe this is not the moment for us, Bo, but someday...someday you will be mine like I want to.

-Lauren...-tried Bo.

-Go, Bo.-said Lauren.-...its the best...for everyone.

Bo looked at her for minutes trying to say something to stop this from being the goodbye she felt that was because she was sure that if she walk away now then she will never see Lauren again.

And her heart couldn't take that

-Is not the best for me.-murmured Bo before looking at Lauren.-...but if this what you want, then I let you go.

She pushed Lauren and walked away from the doctor unable to stand her own pain despise her mind telling her that this is what Lauren wanted and she wouldn't be the one to stand in the middle.

She had more important things to do.

Lauren looked at her while the tears broke her normally calm features and Bo walked away from her and her life forever.

-Doc...

Bruce put his arms around her while Lauren put her head in his chest and cried making the dark fae the only spectator to her pain while he tried his best to console her touching her hair and kissing her head.

-This will go away, Lauren...-murmured Bruce in her hair.

Lauren cried waiting for Bruce's words to be true while the pain made her weak and unprotected.

Naked in front of a unsure future.

**-Lost Girl-**

Kenzi was waiting for her when she got home and she could tell that the succubus wasn't for a friend talk making the little human to sit down and wait for her bestfriend to tell her what was wrong.

-I found Lauren...-Bo told her.-...she didn't wanted to come back with me.

And for some reason Kenzi couldn't blame the doctor for her choice, she knew that Bo didn't know all of the details but even with that she assumed that her bestie knew that something was wrong in her relationship with the doctor.

-She said that we're not ready for a relationship.-said Bo.-...that she wasn't accepted here, that she can accept my biology but she couldn't accept if I get feelings involved...she thinks that I'm in love with Dyson or Tamsin...or both.

-And is not true?-murmured Kenzi.

Bo looked at her before sit in the couch, she was tired phisically and more mentally, she only wanted to cry and Kenzi wasn't helping.

_Did I make her think that?_

-I'm not saying you're the worse because I think that Lauren should have told you this long time ago.-said Kenzi.-...but Bo the truth is that we never treated Lauren like one of our own.

-Kenzi...she left us.-Bo said frustrated.-...she left us for Taft...she told me that she loved me! Past tense!

The look in Kenzi's face made Bo stop talking, she could see that Kenzi didn't understand her and chose Lauren's side making the succubus angry.

-Don't gave me that look.-said Bo.-...now you take her side? When you always looked at her like nothing?

That words hurt Kenzi, Bo could see it in her eyes and the succubus wanted to erase them but it was too late they were already told and despise of everything Bo could bring herself to deny that accusations.

-You're right, I always seen her like someone who wasn't part of this family.-said Kenzi.-..but, do you know that she saved Dyson from Taft? Do you know that she said she loved you to try and save you from that monster? Do you know what he had planned for you and Tamsin if she didn't do what she did? Without her you would be death now or worse and maybe that's what was made me change my thoughts about her with the fact that she was being chased by the Fae only for being human but despite of that she was phoning me and Dyson everyday worried sick about you.

Kenzi's words made Bo think about what the two humans had to endure without her here to protect them and she walked to Kenzi trying to hug her only to be stopped by her friend.

-Sometimes you forget that we're not like you, Bo Bo.-said Kenzi.-...we've been chased, sentenced to death by the Fae and now by the Una Mens and despite of that we're here, for you.

Bo looked her walk to her room without waiting for her answer making her think about everything that had happened, the truth about Kenzi's rudeness and the pain in Lauren's soul.

A soul she really wanted to heal.

-I have one more chance to do it.-said Bo to herself while she got to her room.-..one more chance.

She only hoped that Lauren was strong enough to hear her for the last time.

**-Lost Girl-**

It was late when Lauren heard someone knocking at her door so she opened with caution revealing the last person she would think of being here.

-Bo?

In front of her, Bo was looking at her with some insecurity and fear, something that Lauren recognized very well and the reason for her to smile and encourage Bo to get inside.

-Can I...?-murmured Bo.

-Of course.-said Lauren.

Lauren let Bo in while the succubus got in the house trying to say everything she wanted to tell the doctor but not being able to do anything but fight the desire that was consuming her.

-Well?-asked Lauren.

-I wanted to...talk.-murmured Bo.-...but I never thought I would be that nervous.

-You're not good in talking, Bo...no with me anyways.-smiled Lauren.

The doctor took her hand and sat with her in the couch looking at her eyes with the trust that Bo nearly forgot.

And just like that, Bo saw the truth in Kenzi's words.

_I failed them..._

-I'm sorry, so sorry for not being here when you needed me the most.-said Bo.-...I'm sorry for not being what you wanted, for not fight harder for you, for not make the others see what you mean to me.

-Bo...-murmured Lauren.

-I love you, Lauren.-said Bo.-...and maybe that words coming from me are nothing to you now and I don't know when I will be strong or mature enough for you but this love...I would never deny this love.

-I know...-said Lauren.

-And I know that right now I'm not what you need...but someday I will be, when this ends and I get all my life back.-said Bo.-...when I turn back to be the same woman you love.

Lauren smiled stroking her cheek getting rid of a lonely tear running down her face while she understood the succubus making the bond between them stronger.

Just like the passion and the atraccion were.

-I be here for you, you know that, right?-said Lauren.-...whatever it is, Bo, I'll be there for you.

Bo smiled, she understood what Lauren said but the pain of not having her like she wanted was stronger and worse.

-I...I say the same, Lauren.-said Bo.-...whatever it is o whenever you are, if you need me I'll be there, I promise.

Lauren smiled, she knew about Bo's promises but she loved her only for trying because she knew that Bo had a good heart and losing her in this way was killing her like it was killing Bo.

-I think...is better if I go.-said Bo getting rid of the tears.-...I only wanted you to know that I accept what you do and I understand you have to do it.

-Thank you.-said Lauren closing her eyes.-...really thanks, Bo.

Bo smiled kissing the doctor one more time while her heart screamed at her for not let go of this feeling even when she was trying to hard to let her go.

It was time to separate because this wasn't their moment and she had to accept that.

_But someday it will be..._

-Till next time, Lauren.-said Bo.

-Till next time, Bo.-said Lauren.

And just like that their story ended for now, with Bo walking away from Lauren Lewis to focus at her new life without her and with Lauren walking to her nigthstand to grab a little box, the same one that had a pendant that she bought for Bo long time ago.

_Thank you for givin me the freedom to love..._

_And I do...forever.._

_Yours,_

_Lauren_

-Someday, Bo, this will be forever...-murmured Lauren.

In the meantime, they would have to wait.


	3. One True Thing

_AN: Set in episode 405, as Lauren and Bo are ready to leave the Morrigan's compound after the Fae party. A little fluffy goodness._

* * *

_"I don't think I can go back there…with the light. For the first time, Bo, I feel free." _

Bo could ride my heart until it crumbled. Her love—_as if I could even call it that_—could be described as unrepentant, feral, insatiable and, at times, as Bo was now, gentle. I didn't want to turn her down but I willed myself to numbness. I had no choice. If I gave in to her now, I'd be dead by morning.

_"We can be free together." _

Death by beauty. I could drown from happiness just looking at her: Lauren's fair and elegant face forced my eyes to linger on every feature: brown eyes, alabaster skin, lips eternally blush. Lauren enslaved me; and that is that.

_"You're fae, I'm human. I'll always be a prisoner." _

I didn't mean to hit her with a brick. To the head. I suppose that's what my words must have felt like. I could feel Bo's heart bleeding. No one ever wonders what it's like on the other side of the shield. Protected, yes; immune to heartbreak, never.

_"When you're ready to come back to your real family, just say the word." _

I meant to hurt her. I wanted Lauren to share this pain. She rejected me…_twice!_ And that's two times too many. _Family. Freedom. Happiness._ I could have given her that if she'd just taken my hand and walked away with me.

_She turned away too easily._

None of this is real. I am a shadow. My body, my soul—these have always been hers so much so that Bo cannot see how firmly shackled I am to my humanity. Light or Dark, I will never be free but I can pretend. Pretending dulls the sheen of my pain.

_She let me go so easily._

This is becoming a terrible habit. When Lauren grazed her fingertips against my arm, her aura glowed like the sun yet her eyes were dark and cold as November. I can sway her with a single touch but what would that make me? A monster.

* * *

Their conversation in the Morrigan's office had nearly come to an end but Bo just wouldn't let it go. She should have left Lauren right there, right after she used the _family_ card but the succubus was nothing if not impulsive.

"This isn't the place for you, Lauren." Bo hated the image of herself begging but surely it couldn't be considered begging if she could get Lauren to see how wrong she was to choose Evony.

"Why? Because my _family_ is so much better? What have the light Fae ever done for me to consider them my family?"

"For one, we all care about you. Dyson is out there, somewhere, searching for you."

"Yes," Lauren dropped her head and smirked. "The same Dyson who told me to run. The same Dyson who for years turned his nose down on me. The same Dyson who considered me weak, dirty, human, and who came between us any chance he could."

"He's not like that. Not anymore."

"It's so easy for you to take his side, isn't it?"

"Lauren…I'm not—"

"It's okay, Bo. I don't have the energy to dislike him. And I don't want to fight with you. The reality is I don't have a family, not since the Fae enslaved me. You gave me hope for awhile but all that ever was, was false hope." Lauren's cheek flushed and her voice fell like rose petals. "I'll always be grateful."

Bo stepped closer into Lauren. "What is wrong with us? Why don't you want us to be together?"

Lauren had to laugh. "From a claw foot tub to wanting us to be together. Together for the night? Or in a relationship? That's quite a leap, Bo, even for you."

Bo stood there, stunned. "Watch out, doctor, that's quite the emotional outburst."

Lauren shook her head, her corn silk hair brushing against soft, bare shoulders. Bo shuddered and for a moment ignored the anger rising in her chest. She wanted Lauren even as the woman frustrated her. Lauren stepped back a pace.

"Bo, you could have me with a touch, you know that, right? Me? If I went with you, I'd be happy for what—an hour, a night? I'd still be someone's slave in the morning but you—you lose nothing! Sacrifice _nothing_ by being with me. Not Dyson. Not Tamsin, and yes, I remember her."

"What do you mean you remember her?"

"Right before I left for Taft's, she came to see me and told me about your kiss, how you didn't need to feed from her."

"It wasn't that type of kiss." Bo folded her arms. It was her turn to look away, and rather shamefully.

"Which proves my point, Bo. You may have a side now with the Dark Fae but your heart will always be unaligned. You can't help yourself. You're a succubus. It may be me tonight. Tomorrow, it'll be Dyson in your tub. The next night—who knows?"

"You're saying that because I'm a succubus that I'm incapable of love? That I never loved you?"

"That's exactly what I'm saying, Bo." Lauren had been swift, unsheathing her words, plunging them into Bo's heart like a broad sword. She bit down on her tears.

"That's unkind and untrue." Bo seemed to shrink by the second, her earlier bravado at facing down the Morrigan all but gone.

"Then prove it." Lauren stood as firm as an oak. Bo had never found her sexier.

"Prove what?"

"That you _can_ love." Lauren stepped within inches of Bo. She stroked her thumb on Bo's chin and, without blinking, moved close enough for Lauren to feel the heat of Bo's breath on her lips. "That you can love _me_."

"Anything," Bo whispered, closing her eyes and expecting a kiss. She wrapped her arms around Lauren's waist, pulling her even closer. "Tell me what you want."

Lauren brought her lips to Bo's ear. "Forget me, Bo. Leave and don't look back."

* * *

"Well that's a rotten tomato!" _To-may-tuh. _Kenzi had taken to speaking like a gum snapping broad from a gangster movie, the kind of movie that floats an insomniac from the middle of the night until the first grey glow of morning.

Bo stewed in the middle of the couch saying nothing even as Kenzi buzzed around her as relentless as a mosquito in the dark.

_"A kick in da groin."_

_"A chink in the armor."_

_"A slam in the dunk."_

"Okay!" Bo threw her hands up in surrender. "You're not making sense anymore."

"Just like you and Dr. HotPants."

Bo dropped her chin and sneered.

"You want to tell Auntie Kenz exactly what else went down in Chinatown?"

"If you'd zip it for a minute, maybe I could."

"No need to get testy." Kenzi sat down and sucked on an enormous Popsicle before waving it to Bo, a signal that she yielded the floor to the Succubus.

"I asked Lauren to come home with me, you know, soak in a hot bath. But she turned me down.

"_Succubus kicked to the curb!"_ Kenzi exhaled. "Unexpected."

Bo surveyed the emptiness of her palms. "I had her right in my arms."

Kenzi offered a reassuring hand to Bo's shoulder. "Only the strong survive."

"Maybe I've lost my touch."

"Maybe she's lost her mind…Lauren _was_ a guest of Evony. Nice party, _be-tee-dubs,_ except for the dead bride and groom part. Could've done without that."

"Apparently Lauren's _more _than just a guest. Evony sort hinted that they're sleeping together."

"What?"

"'I have new toys to play with,' Evony said just before leaving me alone with Lauren. If anyone knows how to kill a mood, it's the Morrigan. I tell you, Kenzi, she's begging for a fist to the face_."_

Bo contemplated the black screen of the television in front of the couch. "There's something different about Lauren…something's going on."

"Yeah, lap dances Morrigan style?"

Bo looked at Kenzi with her eyes narrowed. "So not funny."

Bo went back to her thoughts, her chin perched on one of her hands. Kenzi looked at her friend, studying the stillness in Bo's face, and the look that came upon her when she was close to cracking a case wide open, all the pieces coming together like white on rice, bread on butter, salt and pepper. Kenzi's stomach growled so loudly she placed her hand on her middle in an unconscious attempt to quell the noise. The Popsicle was the only real food Kenzi had had all day and if Bo's love life didn't resolve itself soon, then three triple large meat-meat pizzas would be necessary for her to survive another chapter in the Bo/Lauren drama fest. The past few months had also been a blur for Kenzi. Her memories trickled in slowly and, unlike before, she found herself actually liking Lauren and on a deeper level, even recalling a sense that she missed the only other human in their little family. She nudged Bo with her elbow. "I wouldn't be myself if I didn't meddle a little here, Bo…but what else did HotPants say?"

"That the light never came for her, you know, during the whole Una Mens scare."

"Not a scare, a real thing. I'm human, remember? Pitch forks. Angry mob. My head on a stick. Very real."

"I'll protect you."

"Please don't tell me you said that to Lauren, too."

Bo dropped her head into her hands and gave her own head a squeeze.

"You did _not!"_

"But I would," she said looking up at Kenzi. "Only she accused me of wanting to own her."

"Still owning. Not exactly what a slave wants to hear."

Bo shook her head. "It's too late, anyway. Lauren works for Evony."

"Super BadAss! That girl's got a big ball sack to want to work for Witchie-Poo. "

"Free to come and go as she pleases." Bo walked over to the kitchen to snatch a beer from the commercial fridge. "And she practically shoved me out the door."

Kenzi turned around on the couch to face the kitchen. "You know something doesn't smell right. It's not like it's Lauren's first time off the tuna boat."

Bo's brow was turned down into a scowl. "You don't kiss someone like it's your last kiss on earth and then dismiss me."

"Are those details necessary?"

"I can sway anyone!"

"Except your lady with the big brain…"

"Big brain, big heart," Bo sighed.

"Did she say anything else?"

"I had a feeling that she wanted to."

Kenzi sunk back into the couch.

Bo stripped the edges off the label on the beer bottle, leaving it frayed, just like her feelings. "So little of this makes sense. There are big gaping holes in my memory, I know it, but _Lauren_ – Lauren has always been clear as day for me."

Kenzi coughed, "Bullshit."

Bo glared at her best friend.

"You may not remember but I do. You strung her and Dyson around your finger like twin yo-yos for years. Ever think that the big brain got tired of it and decided to cut the string at last?"

Bo pouted. "Maybe…"

"Uh-huh. Not _maybe_."

"But to all of us? And being tied to the dark—"

"—was as far away from you Lauren thought she could get."

Bo scowled. "Seriously? The Morrigan? Her boss? And whatever the hell they may be..." Bo couldn't bring herself to say _lovers_ but the meaning was there and Kenzi understood it.

"And Dyson's yours. So no judging there, green eyes. Or blue eyes. You had your chance, succubum, but then…" Kenzi placed her hands firmly together and ripped them apart suddenly, crossing her eyes while making an exploding sound.

Bo slumped against the kitchen counter top, dropping her head to the flat surface and repeatedly thumping it there, slowly. She raised her head after some time and rubbed a spot on her forehead that was slowly turning red.

Kenzi snickered. "Earth to Bo. You're over thinking. Do as she asked and let her go, Bo-bo…" Kenzi noticed stillness return to Bo's eyes, as if her friend were watching the last best thing she'd ever known recede from her grasp.

Bo caught Kenzi staring at her. "What?!"

"You love her," Kenzi said plainly.

"Of course. I love you, too." She attempted to hide her hurt with a playful tone.

"No, no, no_._ You can't con a con that easily." Kenzi eased herself off the couch and began a slow approach to the kitchen until she was only a few steps away from Bo. "Do. You. Love her? Love, _love_ her?

Bo nodded, a pout emerging on her lips. "I screwed up, huh?"

"Just like a wine opener."

"I drove her to the Morrigan, that slimy, beautiful bitch. They're probably doing dark things to each other even as I speak." In that moment, jealousy trumped self pity.

Kenzi grabbed Bo's neglected beer and sipped from the bottle. "Here's a thought. Why would she willingly work for The Dark?"

"To be safe? You said it yourself. Una Mens means humans dead."

"She's the smartest person we both know, besides _moi._ Think hard, Bo. There's more than one way for a genius to find safety. Of all the gin joints in the world, why would she pick Evony's? And why the brush off?"

"Health insurance? I don't know and what's with the 20 questions! I'm kinda hurting right now, Kenz."

Kenzi slammed down the beer causing it to foam and gush out of the bottle. "What if she's doing this for you, you big _Succuidiot!_ Nothing Lauren does is an accident…well, except maybe one thing. But let's not dwell on that…"

"She chose the dark!"

"Yeah, so? So did you, _toots._ Card-carrying Dark Fae. That's you Bo-Bo."

"Again, Kenzi, you're speaking in tongues."

"Keep your friends close, but your enemies _closer? Hello?_ You've got big boobs, figure it out."

"Don't you mean brains?"

"See? Big Boobs." Kenzi waved her hands in the air as if they were engaged in a strange game of charades, urging Bo on to think harder. "Think about it. Why would Lauren stay with the most reprehensible woman in the history of _ever?"_

"What's your point, Kenz?"

"She loves you." Kenzi poked Bo hard with her finger.

"Turning down a bubble bath with me? I'd hardly call that love—"

"—No, I'd call that brave. And hard. I mean, let's think about this for a sec. Besides the Una Mens, who is your sworn enemy, Bo?"

"Evony."

"Yup."

"She's protecting me."

Kenzi crossed her arms and nodded. "Double yup."

"But how?"

"You need to ask her that yourself."

"I made a mistake. Leaving her there." Bo's voice trailed away to a wisp, the frustration dimming to be a growing sense of worry.

"Uh-huh."

"Lauren knows how to keep a secret. And she's hiding something."

"Ding-ding-ding you win the luggage!" Kenzi tapped the tip of her nose with her index finger. "If she's hatching a plan, you may want to be in on it." Bo stood in front of Kenzi, nearly frozen.

"Hey!" Kenzi waved her hand in front of Bo. "Do you want to get your girl back?"

Bo blinked rapidly before resting her stare squarely back on Kenzi. "More than anything."

"Then you better start talking or else the Morrigan might find herself the permanent owner of one very smart, very sexy doctor."

"I gotta go." Bo suddenly had a hustle in her step and clumsily grabbed for her keys and jacket as she tripped toward the front door of the clubhouse.

"Don't come home without vodka…" Kenzi called out just as the door slammed. "Or a really hot doctor."

* * *

Bo took the turns and narrows of her drive from the clubhouse to the light compound at an uncharacteristic conservative pace. This gave her time to think—to rehearse what she'd say to Lauren, that is, if she was even still living with the Light. Her heart pounded like a drum and the last thing Bo wanted was for her feelings to take on a life of their own in front of Lauren. Dr. Lewis could put on quite a show in the messiest of circumstances; maybe Bo could, too. She imagined the serenity of a Buddha, like the giant, reclining Buddhas she and Kenzi had seen a couple of times on the travel channel. Who was she kidding? Bo operated more like a hurricane and it suited her just fine. Lauren and Kenzi were her Red Cross, cleaning up after the destruction. This time, however, Bo feared that the only cleanup crew she could expect sat behind the wheel of her beloved Camaro, a driver of not-so-gentle things in which she had little faith.

_I can be calm. I can be rational._

The possibility existed that Kenzi had been on to something, that perhaps Lauren turning her down for an evening together to reconnect was part of an elaborate plan. _Or maybe she really just didn't want me, anymore. So many things I didn't get right—what could I promise her besides, well, the best sex ever. _

Bo hadn't really been concentrating on where she was driving; the car seemed to move on its own, leading Bo solely on instinct. Somehow, it sputtered to a stop, the old muscle car coughing out a grey cloud of exhaust once in park. Bo rubbed the palms of her hands against her leggings to wipe off the clamminess. Saving the world from doom had become routine for the unaligned succubus. Saving her heart from its own foolishness—now that was staring down real danger, the kind that triggers restless twitching and panic sweating.

_Okay, Succubus. Look on the bright side. Wait? What's the bright side of this? Kissing. Kissing ass. My kissing Lauren's ass, figuratively and literally. Oh, shit; mind out of the gutter. Think like a grown-up, not like an adolescent succubus._

Bo took several deep breaths and forcefully blew them out through her lips to help calm her nerves. She laughed at herself, mildly amused and aware of the gutlessness clinging to her like a vine. _Do you love her, _Kenzi's accusation echoed through her mind. _Yes, I do_.

_Then prove it,_ Lauren's challenge rang out just as strongly.

_I will, my hardheaded doctor, I will._

* * *

If all went well, Lauren would have the loft and all her belongings including her home laboratory, cleared out and moved into the Dark's glass tower high-rise in two days. It would be simple to slip away, what with all the back and forth that was typical in the flurry of moving day. By the time Evony realized she'd not arrived with the last of her boxes, she'd be on a plane to Budapest and Istanbul and Tokyo and at least 15 other destinations by air, sea, and land. It hadn't been that difficult to hack several transportation systems and create dummy manifests that had one Dr. Lauren Lewis scattering like stars across the heavens—but better. Like her memories had been, she would vanish in plain sight and without a trace taking with her the Fae-robbing serum she had just completed, a change of clothes, and one photograph. She wanted to travel light even if it meant leaving everything behind, including Bo. When she had said that she could never go back there, Lauren knew Bo thought she meant to the light; in reality, Lauren could never go back to slavery even if it meant death. At least she'd die free and go down fighting when it came down to it. The serum offered some protection, if and when, the minions of the Fae came looking for her. They'd find her, she believed that; and with Evony searching for a renegade human who held secrets of the Fae, maybe that could buy Bo enough time to figure out how to undark herself without interference by The Morrigan.

Evony had stopped in earlier with an offering of pizza and beer. She'd been a little too liberal with her flattery and gifts. Lauren accepted both but stopped short of the invitation for Evony to stay later to help with the remaining boxes.

_Wouldn't want these surgeon's hands to wear themselves out,_ she had cooed while brushing her lips the length of her slender fingertips. Lauren's flesh tingled. Her cheeks warmed at Evony's touch. The corners of her smile rose like a slow erection.

_Thank you, Evony, but it's been a long day really. I'll probably go to bed soon and begin again early in the morning. _Lauren slipped her hands out of Evony's grasp and, with little fanfare and instead of withdrawing completely, she stroked the Morrigan's cheek coquettishly, letting her fingertips linger a tad too long. Her thumb wandered across her lips, inviting a kiss from the Morrigan. The Morrigan chuckled and nibbled at the offering; Lauren's eyes flared with desire seconds before she stepped back.

_Well, I'll let you get to it, _the Morrigan leaned in and whispered. _Have a good evening, Doctor. If you need help with anything, anything at all—_

—_you'll be the first number to call,_ Lauren blushed.

The Morrigan left her with a cock of her brow and a conspiratorial grin. Lauren rooted herself to the spot where Evony had said goodbye until she felt that sufficient minutes had passed for Evony to have reached her car and driven away; only then did she let her chest and shoulders collapse in relief. She stepped over to her lab and retrieved a petri dish and a pair of tweezers from a drawer. Gingerly, she nicked at her fingertips and one by one, stripped a thin-as-skin layer of film that she had applied onto the pad of each digit, leaving her thumb for last. She placed each film into the petri dish, marked it with Evony's name, and then stored it in a velvet-lined mahogany box that already housed a collection of similarly labeled containers. _There,_ she thought to herself, _join your friends._

* * *

Bo noticed the door to Lauren's apartment was open, as it typically was; strange, she thought, why Lauren would live in such an exposed way. Maybe it was the idea that as a slave she never had the entitlement of privacy and that a door was a sham of an idea. _We've got to change that…and soon._ Bo strode into the loft not expecting to see the forest of boxes that crowded the living room, some sealed, some others open like gaping mouths waiting to be fed. A fresh puff of perfume greeted her next, familiar, a garden of gardenias and definitely not hers or Lauren's. _The Morrigan._ Her heart tightened and her jaw clenched. Her eyes scanned the first floor for signs of Evony, Lauren, or both. Then she heard a thud from upstairs. All alarms sounded from within: _don't go up there, Bo. You won't like what you'll see._

But Bo was nothing but rebellious to the should's and shouldn'ts that life constantly presented. With slow steps she climbed the stairs, her left hand softly grazing against the dagger strapped to her thigh. The scent of perfume faded as the stink of her hatred for the Morrigan filled her throat to the point of choking. The door leading to Lauren's bedroom was slightly ajar and she eased it open, expecting to see the two lovers romping on the bed only she was supposed to share with Lauren. Instead, she saw Lauren sitting on the side of the bed with her back to the door, a litter of passports and stacks of paper currency fanned out in the center of it.

"Lauren? What are you doing?"

Lauren raised her head but didn't turn around. "Bo, please don't come any closer."

"You're…leaving?"

Lauren stood at last and turned toward the center of her bedroom. She shrugged.

"But your friends. Your _fam—_"

"Please, Bo," she held up her palm. "Don't even use that word. It will never have the same meaning for me as it does you."

"So this is why you didn't want to go home with me. You're going away with the Morrigan."

"Is that what you think?" Lauren scowled.

"She's been here. Her scent is all over the place." Bo's eyes were luminous and dark, her tone dismissive and derisive as if she'd just swallowed something unexpectedly sour.

"There's no need for you to be ugly, Bo. You and I are no longer together. Who comes and goes here is none of your—"

"—_comes_, right. None of my business. Clearly, your affairs are also none of my business anymore." Bo dropped her eyes. Her jealousy trumped the contrition she'd intended to deliver when she sat in the Camaro. Which felt worse, she wondered, the worry that stewed in her belly or the jealousy that threatened to make her sick and spew thorns and daggers at her ex-lover?. Maybe Lauren's memories hadn't fully returned, just like Bo, and she'd forgotten anything they had once meant to each other. Suddenly Bo felt adrift, clinging to the debris of a ship sinking in a vast dark ocean, encircled by flame and the terror of being lost forever.

_I can't be here._ She ran her eyes around Lauren's room as if for the last time, taking in the last details of their good-bye and purposefully avoiding looking at the woman before her. _This is how it ended, then._ Wads of cash and stolen identities. _Wait._ _Who carries a stack of passports?_

"It's _not_ the Morrigan…you're running away?"

Lauren moved toward Bo, slowly making her way to her side of the room.

"I don't want to be owned," she said. "And sooner or later the Una Mens will come for me even if I stay with the Dark. Gods, Bo, I just want to have a life, my life back…even if it's for a short while…even if it's not for much longer. At least I can say I died a free human."

"Don't say that word, Lauren."

"What? _Die?_ It's inevitable. May as well go out in a blaze of glory!" She raised her eyebrows and smiled, though the sun of it never quite reached her eyes.

"Not yet, Lauren." Bo stepped in closer. "I just got you back." Lauren stood close enough for Bo to reach for her and entwine their fingers together.

Lauren dropped her chin and smiled with her lips pressed together. "You could give me a hundred reasons to stay, Bo—and they'd all probably be true and I'd be foolish enough to believe you. But you're forgetting something."

"Don't say it."

"I don't belong here."

Bo cupped Lauren's hand between hers and placed them over her heart. "You belong here. You always have."

Lauren let her fingers slip through Bo's, dropping her head as she backed away.

"I'll just follow you, you know that."

Lauren ran her fingers through blonde hair. "Yeah, and what about Kenzi. Would she follow you, too? Lest we forget, she sorta hates me. Hates _me_ with _you_."

"Would it surprise you to know that she doesn't?"

"And what about your family? What about them?"

"Why does everyone want to make me choose between things? As if picking a side makes things instantly better. Well, it doesn't."

"Bo, you could never choose me...over anyone, or anything. You take what you want. I know that now. I accept that's who you are but I'm sorry—"

"No, _I'm_ sorry. But just answer one question for me, Lauren. Answer it truthfully and I swear I'll leave you to whatever crazy, messed up plan you got going for yourself."

Lauren let out a breath she didn't realize she'd been holding in. "Okay."

"Are you doing this for me or for yourself? Because if you're doing it for me, then don't."

Lauren turned and reached for a large leather duffel bag that had been sitting on the floor beside her bed, the one that she'd been stuffing with cash and the myriad of identities she'd hope to use on the next chapter of her human life. She swallowed hard and hurriedly shoveled the items on the bed into the bag. Bo noticed a slight tremble in her hands. Quickly, she grabbed at Lauren's wrist.

"Stop, just stop it Lauren."

"Let me go, Bo."

"And then what?" Bo loosened her grip, "You're right about me, Lauren. I only took from you."

Lauren shook her head, loose strands of golden hair falling across her face and acting as a curtain to her emotions.

"Look at me, please," Bo touched a finger to Lauren's chin and lifted it.

"There you are," Bo smiled, hoping to ignite the light that used to shine behind Lauren's eyes whenever they were together. "You may not remember me, but I'm Bo. The unaligned succubus?" Bo dropped her head, and swallowed as if she were gulping down a whole chestnut. "I love you, and it's time I started behaving like I do…because I do, more than anything."

Bo's radiance was palpable and threatened to melt the resistance that Lauren had fortified for weeks to form a callous around her heart. Bo still held onto her cleft chin and while Lauren didn't turn away she didn't return Bo's gaze.

"Don't say things you don't mean…" Lauren whimpered.

Bo brought her lips to Lauren's and kissed her softly. "I love you." She kissed her again, letting her lips linger, waiting for Lauren to greet her with her own. "I love you," she repeated her words and then again, the kiss. "And just to be clear," Lauren felt the smile form on Bo's mouth as their lips met again, "I love you Lauren Lewis."

Lauren grabbed a fistful of Bo's hair and smashed her mouth into hers, inhaling her scent, her breath, and welcoming Bo's tongue until her mouth was flooded with the taste of her. Somehow, and not without great struggle, Lauren pushed Bo back to arm's length. "I've been on my own for years. I can take care of myself. I'm used to it."

Bo's eyes drifted from Lauren's lips to her eyes, to the slender, kissable neck, to the delicious form of her body that she needed to press against hers. "Get _unused_ to it. You have me now."

"That'll make us an even bigger target. A sexy succubus is hard to hide," Lauren smirked, pushing Bo away slightly with a palm to her chest.

"You're a genius, Lauren Lewis…between you and Kenzi, I'm sure we can figure something out." Bo pulled her into another kiss. "And Lauren, you don't have to do this alone. Not anymore."

Lauren pulled back from their embrace and fingered stray strands of hair away from Bo's cheek. "Let me inject a little dose of reality, Bo. A succubus and two humans trekking around the world would hardly go unnoticed by the Fae."

Bo shrugged as if she'd just been told to run to the store to buy bread and milk. "Good times," she buried her lips into the crook of Lauren's neck.

"You, me, Kenzi? What will that make us?"

"A reunion tour? I've been dying to get the band back together!"

"Fugitives," Lauren looked suddenly solemn. "This is serious, Bo."

Bo stepped backwards, plopping herself onto the bed. She picked up and flipped through the pages of one of the passports. "Karen Beattie? Not a good hairstyle on you, _love."_

The word caught them both off guard, as if they'd suddenly been doused with a barrel of ice.

"Look," Bo began, tossing the passport back onto the pile. "I know we have a lot to talk about…" She reached for Lauren's hand and pulled her to sit beside her. "And as far as I'm concerned, it's long overdue. Do you remember the night before we fought the Garuda, when you came to see me?"

"I asked if I could sleep with you…in your arms."

Bo nodded, her cheeks reddening at the memory of it. She focused on Lauren's hand in her own, caressing it as she'd just found a treasure, her treasure. "It's my turn to ask the same of you."

"Look at me, Bo." As soon as their eyes met, she answered plainly. "Yes."

Then she added, softly, "And Bo?"

"Yes?"

"We can do more than sleep…if that's what you want."

"I want," Bo bit her bottom lip and pulled Lauren fully onto her lap.

"And tomorrow? What will you want then?" Lauren's body stiffened.

"I want all of you, everywhere, anywhere. Here or there, tomorrow and the day after that and the days after that…Lauren, I choose you. We're in this together now." Bo shifted back a little in order to get a full view of Lauren's beautiful face. "Do you believe me?"

Bo seemed to hold her breath, waiting for some acknowledgement that she wasn't alone.

* * *

There, it had been said, the bait, the sacrifice Lauren longed to hear and yet to see. _This is a mistake_, the notion crossed her mind. Lauren tightened her arms around Bo, her resolve cascading out of her like snow riding the wave of an avalanche. Their hearts beat in time, thunderous and free and reckless. _And I'm such a fool. _For an escaped slave, there would be no corner on earth that would ever be fully safe, no ground sturdy enough to plant roots and call home. A million ideas flooded her consciousness and then, the most important one rising to the top. The tiny needles of hope she hid in a mahogany box: syringes filled with a serum derived of the most powerful DNA she ever encountered, strong enough to strip any Fae of their immortality and omnipotence over humans, her insurance policy against a hostile world.

_Do you believe me,_ the question circled her mind and tickled her conscience. _Let Bo believe she can be my savior._ _My faith still rests in science_. And if that were wholly true, then why couldn't she let the succubus go? It occurred to her: humbly and without any need for elaboration, Lauren simply wanted to love Bo and regardless of the inventions or breakthroughs she might uncover, they would never eclipse this desire, one that would follow her for the rest of her days. She finally accepted this as the plain truth; and everything from this moment on would stem from that.

"I believe you," she answered at last and took her first leap of faith.

Tonight, their bodies entwined and sealed their fate. They would flee together, tethered to the one true thing that ever mattered: love.

fin


	4. Three Words

**Three Words...**

"When you're ready to come back to your real family, just say the word." Lauren stood there frozen as Bo walked away. The brunette's final words felt like a slap.

_Why can't Bo understand why I need to stay?_ Lauren looked over her shoulder and saw that Bo was just outside the door. _Get her back in here, you idiot. Don't let her walk away. Make her understand that this is where you need to be right now!_

Lauren listened to her eternal voice and walked to the doorway. She reached out and captured Bo's arm with a firm grip just as she was about to walk away. Lauren's heart clenched when the succubus turned to face her and she saw the glistening of unshed tears in her eyes. The hand that wasn't holding Bo's arm reached out and cupped the brunette's face. Bo leaned into her hand and closed her eyes at the touch. The unshed tears escaped and the salty water ran down the succubus' cheeks. Lauren moved her hand to the back of the brunette's neck as she leaned in and kissed Bo's tears from her cheeks. When she leaned back she met her lovers dark, expressive eyes. Lauren used her thumbs to caress the remaining wetness from her cheeks as she spoke to Bo.

"Please don't walk away. I don't want you to feel like I am rejecting you, Bo. Hurting you is the last thing I ever want to do. I want us to sit down and really talk. I've missed you - so much. Will you stay?"

Bo was so choked up with emotion that she couldn't speak. She saw the love and yearning in Lauren's whiskey coloured eyes and the doctors aura burned brightly around her. She nodded and allowed Lauren to take her hand and lead her back into the room. They sat beside one another on a red sofa at the far end of the room.

They sat in silence for a while. It was Bo, who broke the silence. "I'm sorry for what I said. I just - it's just - " Bo laughed nervously. "Why is this so hard?"

They were sitting facing one another their legs touching. Lauren's voice was gentle, "I think it's just hard to know where to start. There is so much that has been left unsaid between us, Bo. So much has happened over the last three years and I never imagined that I would ever find someone else to connect with, to love. I have trouble letting down the walls that I erected to protect myself from going completely insane, but now that they have come down I am left feeling vulnerable and exposed. So often I only have to see your face and look into your eyes to know what you are feeling. Bo, you wear your heart on your sleeve, whereas I keep a lot of what I feel hidden. It is a defensive mechanism and I am sorry if you sometimes feel that my feelings for you don't match your own. When I got my memory back; when I realised you were missing I wanted to come back straight away."

"Why didn't you. Since getting back you have been the first thing on my mind. I just wanted to find you."

"I called Dyson. He told me it would be better if I stayed hidden. That the Una Mens were after me and that it wasn't safe."

"He knew where you were!" Bo's jaw clenched angrily.

"I don't know, but I presume so. He would have been able to trace the number that I called from. I think he was protecting me. No one can fight the Una Mens. I am a fugitive from the Light, Bo. That's why I need the Morrigan's protection. He would have lost track of me when The Dark grabbed me and threw me in a dungeon with Crystal." _Crystal. I wonder where she is now,_ Lauren thought at the memory of the blonde waitress chained to the wall. _Was she human or fae. Was she owned by the Dark? Was she dead?"_

Bo frowned when she saw Lauren's aura fluctuate at the mention of this Crystal person. "Who's Crystal?" Bo blurted as jealousy fired up inside her belly. "You - you slept with her."

It wasn't a question and Lauren tried to hide the guilt and regret of her weakness from the succubus, but she knew she failed as the heat of a blush infused her cheeks. "If it makes you feel any better she got close to me and then betrayed me to The Dark."

"I can't believe this. While I was worrying about where you were and if you were okay, you were busy getting it on with another woman."

"I was lonely, Bo. She offered me friendship and comfort," Lauren responded defensively as anger at Bo's response filled her. _We weren't even together and it didn't mean anything!_ She could of said that to the succubus who seemed to be fighting the urge to flee from Lauren and the thought of her being with someone else. But she had heard the talk around the Dark compound and even the Morrigan had left a few obvious breadcrumbs about where or should she say who Bo was regularly feeding from.

"You can't honestly be mad at me when you have been fucking Dyson on a regular basis since you got back!" Lauren's voice cracked with hurt and she hated herself for it. She felt like Dyson would always be between them. Always waiting for his chance to sway Bo into being with him. She couldn't blame the shifter for trying. He was in love with Bo after all, just as she was and Lauren knew that she would never be able to let the succubus go. She would never love anyone the way she loved the woman sitting in stunned silence beside her.

Bo was shocked by Lauren's defensive, aggressive response. The doctor was stronger and more self confident than she remembered or maybe this was the real Lauren. Maybe finally being free from the bonds of The Light fae allowed Lauren to express herself more freely because she didn't have to worry about being punished for speaking her mind.

The brunette met Lauren's intense gaze and nodded her head slowly. "You're right, I have been feeding from Dyson, but it's not what you think it is, Lauren."

"Then explain it to me, Bo... Because I am sick of thinking that I am and will always be second best because he can at least help to feed you, heal you and keep you strong. Everyone, including you, knows that he is in love with you. So please, Bo, please tell me that whenever things don't work out the way you want it to with us that you won't just continue to rebound back to him."

"He's SAFE! I sleep with him because it's comfortable and safe. I will always love him, but I am NOT in love with him! I AM in love with you and he knows that. I've told him that." Bo reached out and took Lauren's hands with her own. "You are not and have never been second best. I have never loved someone as much as I love you. When you asked for a break from us, it hurt like you couldn't believe. You broke my heart. Every moment I spend with you fills me with such happiness. I know that because of what I am, I will never be able to be monogamous, but I need you to know that you are the one that holds my heart. Only you."

Lauren could hear the raw truth and emotion in Bo's declaration and it filled her soul with hope. It also made the doctor feel pity for Dyson. She was surprised that she was thinking about the shifter when Bo had just declared her love and devotion to her, but she was. Bo was essentially using him because he was safe and she hated having to bed strangers on a regular basis to remain strong and healthy. Bo was a succubus with morals which was pretty much unheard of and for this reason she used Dyson instead of seeking random bed partners. She couldn't believe that Dyson allowed himself to be used like that. She felt sorry for him. _Would you turn Bo away from your bed if you were him? No, I guess I wouldn't, _Lauren responded to her internal voice. _I will never get over her._

"What are you thinking? Say something, please." Bo wasn't able to read the flitting emotions crossing the doctors features. She regretted sleeping with Dyson every single time they were together since coming back. She was getting to the stage where she had trouble even looking at him while she took what she needed. She would always be thinking of Lauren. Of her kisses, her touch of just how good Lauren's love felt when they were together. Bo didn't even realise that one of her hands had started caressing and kneading Lauren's upper thigh, until the doctor let out a moan and placed her hand atop of Bo's stopping its progression.

"God, Bo. You are making it hard to think at all."

"Sorry," the succubus muttered as heat spread up from her neck to her cheeks. "I was - uh - thinking about you - about the way you touch me."

"I can't think when you touch me. I burn for you, Bo. I have missed you and it killed me to ask for the break. I know I told you that I wasn't happy, but it wasn't that simple. It wasn't that I wasn't happy with you. You bring me so much happiness, Bo. It was a culmination of so many things that had happened, but I just couldn't sit there and tell you everything that was slowly eating away at me because my heart was splitting in two as I asked for the break from us. I broke down as soon as you had left. It killed me to let you go and I have never stopped loving you. I will NEVER stop loving you."

"Then why did you do it. Please, baby - I need you to tell me why - I - I need to know everything. I need to know that I didn't completely fuck up what we had. I know that I can be selfish and sometimes miss the things going on around me. I know that we had troubles and that because of what I am there was a lot of things that you had to deal with. I know that you were the one having to do all the compromising and I am truly sorry for that. I wasn't a very good girlfriend. If I was I would have noticed that things weren't amazing between us. I will do anything to make you as happy as I was when we were together. Don't give up on me."

"It wasn't just you, Bo. I did my fair share of..."

The clack of high heels interrupted them and they looked towards the door to watch The Morrigan emerge through the door.

Evony stopped at the edge of her desk when she noticed the doctor and the succubus on her couch. "I'm sorry to interrupt whatever this is, but I need my office." She looked at how close the women were sitting and the intimate way the succubus was stroking Lauren's thigh. Evony couldn't hide her amusement when the blonde reached down to stop Bo's movements. She had been around a few succubi in her lifetime and knew that it was natural for them to seek out contact and that it wasn't intentional, it was in their nature. She also knew that even without their swaying abilities, it was very hard to resist them. "Doctor, I suggest you take Bo back to your new loft to finish whatever this is. While I'm all for watching a little girl on girl action, I have a meeting shortly, so I need my office. Besides, the only person allowed to have sex on that couch is me." Evony let out a delighted laugh as both women quickly stood up from the couch with matching looks of distaste. "Go on, get out of here. Take the rest of the day off to catch up and get reacquainted."

Lauren found herself flustered under Evony's knowing gaze. "We were just talking."

The Morrigan rolled her eyes, "Oh please, we all know where this reunion will end up. Bo, have fun with the doctor and then come see me in the morning. I have another job for you." Two men dressed from head to toe in leather stepped into the room. "Time to go you two, vamoose!"

Lauren grabbed Bo's hand and led her out of the office. They could hear The Morrigan's raised voice as they made their way down the corridor. Lauren flinched and Bo grimaced and held the doctor's hand a little tighter when a blood curdling scream echoed through the complex. "I really don't like you being here, Lauren. I wish you would come home with me so I can protect you."

"The Morrigan isn't going to hurt me, Bo. I am way too important for her to melt me," Lauren said as they walked hand in hand over the expanse of grass and up a concealed path surrounded by trees.

"I'm sorry that you have to align yourself with The Dark because of the Una Mens."

"I'm a fugitive, a traitor in The Light's eyes," Lauren sighed as they made their way down the secluded path. "I meant what I said, though. I feel free for the first time in years. I know too much to be allowed to just walk away from the fae, but at least now I can come and go as I please and there is no binding contract. I am here on my own terms and have been given free reign in the archives. I am learning so much, Bo. I haven't felt this fulfilled professionally in a very long time, except perhaps when I was working with Taft...Well before I found out that he was a psychotic monster, that is." Five minutes later they emerged in front of an elegant, modern looking structure.

Bo didn't respond as she thought over Lauren's words. The doctor had sounded happy and confident since they had been reunited and the succubus couldn't deny that she liked the new spark in Lauren's eyes. Bo realised that the woman she had gotten to know over the last three years wasn't the real Lauren. The doctor had been beaten down by The Light. They had taken away the easy going, funny and carefree side of her personality and replaced it with the serious, wary and guarded Lauren. Bo, of course, had seen the doctor lower her guards and let her in and she was different when they were together. But when Lauren had been in the lab at The Light's compound she was closed off, distant and coldly professional.

Lauren opened the door and ushered Bo inside. The succubus had been quiet and she wondered if her new candidness about what she wanted had upset or scared the succubus in some way. Lauren felt empowered for the first time in years. She was not going to put up with the fae and their bullshit anymore, she was determined to not feel so powerless and used. Bo sat on the soft plush loveseat and nodded when Lauren motioned to a bottle of wine. She poured each of them a generous glass of red that she had opened with dinner the night before. Handing Bo the glass she gave the brunette a look of concern, "Are you alright, Bo? You haven't said a word in like ten minutes. I'm sorry if you're unhappy with my decision to stay with The Dark for now, but..."

Bo cut her off, "No, Lauren, don't apologise. I was just thinking that's all."

"About?" Lauren prompted, taking a seat beside the succubus. She ensured that there was a little more space between them because she was determined to finish having their frank and honest conversation before they even thought about moving things to the bedroom. Though Lauren was really hoping that Bo would stay with her and that they could make love for half the night before falling asleep in one another's arms.

"You're different," Bo stated softly before taking a sip from her glass.

"I feel different. This last year has been... life altering. I'm stronger and determined to live more for me and not for others."

Bo grimaced and looked down into her wine glass. _Did I do that? Did I control and dictate what I wanted from her just like The Light did?_

"Bo, I wasn't meaning you."

"But just before in Evony's office, I was ignoring what you were telling me you wanted and pushing you to come with me. I turned it into what I wanted, not what you wanted. I'm sorry."

Lauren reached out and cupped Bo's chin and forced her to look at her. "You have always tried to protect me and I know that you do it because you love me. You have saved my life on numerous occasions and in a way I think I hated that you had to. It made me feel weak, having to be rescued by you all the time..."

"Baby, no! Have you forgotten how often you have saved US with that wonderful brain of yours. You are not weak! You may not be physically strong, but your sexy, sexy brain has saved countless fae! I don't see you as weak, Lauren. You are one of the strongest people I have ever known! To endure everything that the fae have thrown at you and continue to use your medical expertise and science to help them. You dazzle me, Lauren. You are remarkable."

Lauren blushed with Bo's praise, "Stop, Bo. You don't have to say that."

"I know I don't have to say it, Lauren, but it's the truth. I understand why you left and went with Taft. You were sick of being treated so poorly by the people that you worked tirelessly to save. I wish I hadn't been so wrapped up in myself and had seen how unhappy you were. I don't blame you for breaking up with me."

Lauren moved closer to Bo and took her hand. "Bo, I did some things when we were together that I wasn't proud of. I had a lot of insecurities when it came to us. I didn't understand how someone like you could possibly love me and I hated myself for not believing you when you claimed that Kenzi wasn't Kenzi."

"Lauren..."

"No, Bo... please let me finish. I have thought about that day and the days that followed a lot. I have thought about the things that the Kitsune had said that should have told me that it wasn't Kenzi. She said some horrible things, trying to cause me to doubt you and I didn't see it. You know Kenzi better than anyone and I should have believed you when you told me that she was not your best friend. I'm sorry. The only defence I have is that I had noticed your behaviour and was concerned that something was wrong with you and I convinced myself that you were imagining it all."

"Lauren. I know I said some harsh things to you..."

"You said you would never forgive me for not believing you."

Bo sighed, "I know I did, but no one else believed me either...well except Tamsin of all people."

Anger flared at the mention of the Valkyrie, "Don't even get me started on her! I wish I had punched her instead of just slapping her when she came into my home and started gloating about kissing you! That bitch enjoyed every second of telling me that my girlfriend had kissed her and that you were with her instead of at the awards ceremony with me."

"Lauren. It was one of the tests for the dawning! I felt so bad for missing your big night."

"Kissing Tamsin was a part of the dawning?" Lauren snorted in disbelief.

Bo grabbed the back of Lauren's neck and made sure that she was looking at her. "Yes! I told you about that machine that I activated in the Dal and Trick had to play it while I was running around trying to save the crying fae girl with magic tears."

"The Squonk?"

"Yes! The Squonk! Anyway, everything Trick did with that machine happened to me. I did not voluntarily kiss Tamsin and until now I had forgotten it even happened. Why can't people, butt out of my business. I'm sorry that she gave you yet another reason to think that you couldn't trust me, especially after I had just promised you no more Dyson and that I missed your special night because I was in Brazenwood with a bitchy Valkyrie."

Lauren lowered her head into her hands and rubbed her temples before refocusing on Bo to fill in the remaining gaps of why things had gone so wrong. "We were so out of sync by the time you had made it through the dawning. I was feeling more and more insecure, trapped and unappreciated, while you were feeling empowered and brand new with your fully developed power and control. Hale was keeping me under house arrest and had started to make me feel just like I had with the two previous Ashes, a slave. Taft was showering me with praise and encouraging me to use my talent for more than just working at Ash pharmaceuticals. Of course he was also playing me and knew all about the fae and just wanted to use my talent. After being attacked by the Tikbalang's boyfriend, I just couldn't deal anymore. I pulled away from you and asked for a break. I'm sorry that I hurt you, but everything was just eating away at me and I didn't know what else to do."

"And then you left without a trace," Bo said softly. "To go with Taft."

"I asked Hale if I could have a sabbatical to pursue something personal. He refused. He coldly told me that he knew I had just broken up with you and that I needed space but that it wasn't his problem. That you weren't my boss, he was. He told me I was pledged to The light and that The Dark would kill me if they got their hands on me. He told me I could take the weekend if I wanted, but I was to be back Monday. I thought we were friends and he treated me just like the other Ashe's, like I was property. Taft showed up again. He had been coming by for days trying to convince me to leave my job and work for him. That my talent was being wasted and when I still refused, he had his lawyers look into my background. He said he was curious why I spent five years hiding in the Amazon and Afghanistan staying off the map and he handed me a file containing something from my past that I had spent the last five years trying to make up for. You saw the file. You know that Lauren wasn't the name I was born with."

Bo nodded slowly. "Karen is your real name."

"No, it isn't. I left her behind just as you left Beth behind. We all have a past, Bo and I have tried to make up for my mistake by saving as many people as I could. Not a day goes by that I don't think about them and that I had a part in their deaths. They weren't supposed to be there, but that doesn't make the ghosts go away. I told Taft that I don't respond to blackmail and he told me he didn't care about why I had done it, that everyone has secrets. He was so understanding and told me that he knew that I could use a fresh start and that the folder I was holding was the only copy and that I could do whatever I liked with it. I couldn't believe that the past I had been running from and trying to make up for was now able to be cast aside. He said that that was what freedom looked like. **Freedom.** That one word resonated within me as I watched him leave me to decide. After the Garuda, Dyson had told me that it would be the best time for me to run and be free, but I turned around and looked at you and couldn't think of leaving you."

Bo was shocked that Lauren had given up her chance for freedom for her. Bo also thought about the real reason Dyson had suggested that Lauren run. _He had just gotten his love back and he had seen the way I kissed Lauren when she asked me to leave her while fighting the Garuda. He wasn't concerned for her! He just wanted to get rid of the competition, _Bo thought._ Was that why he kept Lauren's location away from her this time? Because he knew how much I love her and I would have dropped everything to go get her!_ Did Lauren regret not leaving the fae after the Garuda. The thought of not having the doctor in her life made her feel sick to her stomach. A lump formed in her throat as she managed to get out her question, "Do you regret it? Do you regret not running?"

Lauren fought the tears that threatened to spill over. She shook her head, "No, I don't regret it. I got to be with you and you surrounded me with a love I had never known. And even when you found me with Taft, your love was unwavering and it killed me to be so cold to you. I couldn't let Taft know that if he wanted the most powerful fae alive, he was looking right at you. I had no intention of sacrificing Dyson, but I couldn't reveal that to you with him standing right there. I tricked Taft and turned him into a Crabbit when he thought he would be getting Dyson's marrow. And after Dyson took off after Taft, I did the only thing I could. I ran. And then we all forgot about you when you were taken by The Wanderer." Lauren threw her hands in the air, "Now you know everything."

Lauren took a deep breath and drank the remaining wine in her glass. She placed the empty glass on the coffee table and leaned back on the couch and closed her eyes. She felt lighter having told Bo everything that she had gone through. It was nice to vent all those negative feelings and she just hoped that Bo wouldn't look at her any differently because of it. Lauren loved Bo with her entire being. She accepted Bo for all her faults as well as her strengths and she hoped that now that Bo had seen and heard the less than flattering parts of herself that she would not think any less of her. If Lauren was honest with herself, it was only Bo's opinion of her that mattered. She didn't care what anyone else thought about her, only Bo.

Lauren felt the cushions of the couch beside her shift moments before she felt Bo lean against her side. The blonde opened her eyes and met Bo's dark expressive orbs. "I had no idea, Lauren. None."

"Does what I just told you effect how you feel about me?"

"If anything, it helped," Bo responded softly, wrapping an arm around Lauren and pulling her closer.

"Helped how?" the doctor asked, shifting to snuggle closer to the woman she loved.

"I had so many questions about what happened. Not just with us, but with what happened after you broke it off with me and the reasons why you left. Is it bad that I'm kind of relieved that it wasn't all my fault that you needed a break?"

"No. Not at all. I'm sorry that I made you feel that it was all your fault. You were so sweet and understanding when I was asking for a break. I could see how shocked you were and it hurt to see the pain I was inflicting. I'm sorry that I put you through that."

Bo reached up and cupped Lauren's face, "I understand why you did what you did, baby. I can't imagine how hard it was to be treated so badly by the fae for so long. I think if it had been me, I would have gone crazy or homicidal. I do wish that you had told me how you were feeling. I would of liked to have been given the opportunity to try to help. I want to be there for you and I am hoping that you don't still want to be on a break because I don't think I am going to be able to stay away from you for another minute. I love you, Lauren."

"I love you too, Bo. More than you can possibly imagine. I missed you."

"I missed you too," Bo leaned up and took Lauren's mouth with hers. The kiss was soft and searching at first, but quickly became more urgent as their need for each other became apparent. After several minutes they separated breathing hard.

"Will you stay with me tonight?" Lauren asked hopefully.

"Nothing would make me happier," Bo responded before taking Lauren's mouth captive once more. They kissed each other as if they were trying to remember every single thing that they meant to each other.

Bo broke away and the blonde moaned in protest, but smiled when the succubus straddled her and brought their lips together once more in another need filled embrace. Lauren wrapped her arms around Bo and pulled her closer as they continued to make love to each other's mouths. Bo groaned into Lauren's mouth when the blonde's hands found their way to her ass and squeezed her through the soft leather of her pants. They separated for some much needed air and stared into one another's eyes. "God, how I've missed your touch. The dreams I had since we've been apart really didn't compare to having you in my arms," Bo panted as she started peppering kisses along the doctors long, elegant neck. She paused at Lauren's pulse point and felt the frantic throbbing of it against her tongue.

Lauren's eyes rolled as Bo's hips moved on her lap and the attention the succubus was showing her neck and collar bone with her mouth and tongue sent waves of arousal south. Moisture pooled between her thighs as Bo continued to grind herself on her lap. Lauren wanted to feel Bo's skin and popped the buttons on the front of the blue leather vest to expose the succubus' spectacular cleavage encased in a sexy, black bra. Lauren's hands slid the vest off her arms before running her fingers over the newly exposed skin.

Bo couldn't suppress her moan of arousal as Lauren took off her bra and then took one of her breasts into her mouth. Bo laced her fingers into the doctors golden hair and pulled her harder against her breast as Lauren lashed her tongue over a very sensitive, erect nipple. Bo lowered the straps of Lauren's dress so that she could touch more of Lauren. Lauren exchanged her mouth for her hands and took Bo's mouth in a heated, needy kiss. She could never imagine anyone making her feel the way she did in Bo's arms. Lauren broke the kiss and met Bo's succubus gaze. The ethereal blue eyes blazed with need and desire and the doctor wanted to get Bo to the bedroom to fill that need. "Bed. Now."

Bo nodded and stood on shaky legs and watched Lauren stand and push the dress over her hips to pool on the floor at her feet, leaving the doctor naked except for a skimpy pair of silk panties. Lauren pulled Bo forward for another kiss which left the succubus breathless. When they broke apart, breathing hard Bo watched Lauren hook her fingers under the hem of her underwear and slide them off as well. "So fucking beautiful," Bo whispered in awe at the exquisite form displayed before her.

"Leave your clothes out here. I'll be in the bedroom waiting for you," Lauren said in a low, husky voice before leaving Bo standing frozen on the spot at the brazenly, confident doctor as she went into the bedroom.

Bo was shaking with need and arousal as she removed her remaining clothing and followed the blondes steps into the bedroom. Bo found Lauren laying on the bed waiting for her. The succubus' body shuddered and a fresh wave of pleasure and moisture pooled between her legs at the way Lauren raked her gaze over her body.

Lauren reached out to Bo, who stood as if frozen at the end of the bed. "Come here. It's been way too long since I have touched all of you."

Bo's mouth was suddenly very dry and she felt a rush of nervousness spread through her as she slowly crawled onto the bed to join her lover. Lauren seemed to sense the change in Bo. "What's wrong? Do you not want this?"

Bo continued to crawl towards Lauren her eyes taking in every inch of Lauren's lithe form as she moved up to hover above her. "I have never wanted anything more," Bo managed to respond as she stared deeply into her eyes.

"Is that why you're shaking like a leaf?" Lauren asked as she softly trailed her fingers down Bo's arms causing goose bumps to rise beneath her gentle touch.

Bo leaned down and kissed the woman she loved with all her heart. "I have dreamt about touching you again for months. Please tell me that this is just the beginning. That I won't have to be without you again. I don't think my heart could handle it if you left me again." Bo bit her bottom lip and fought to keep the tears that threatened to spill over at the rush of emotions that Lauren always made her feel. "Please don't leave me. I don't care if you stay with The Dark, I don't care where you are as long as I can come with you."

Lauren reached up as tears filled her eyes as well and caressed the side of Bo's face. "Oh, Bo. I am yours completely. I will always be here when you need me. I love you, Bo, with everything that I am. Please don't ever doubt my feelings for you." Lauren ran her hands over Bo's strong shoulder's and back and pulled, urging the succubus to lay atop of her. "Make love to me, Bo. Love me like only you can."

As Bo's flesh met the full length of Lauren's heated skin, they both exhaled and marvelled at how good it felt. Bo's mouth and hands went to work re-mapping the body of the woman she had been without, for much too long. "I've missed the softness of your skin beneath my fingers," Bo said as her hands ran over Lauren's breasts, abdomen and legs. Bo then followed the same path her hands had taken with her mouth. "I've missed the smell and taste of your skin."

Lauren was losing it as Bo explored her and whispered softly to her. She was so aroused and she felt the stirrings of her climax and the succubus hadn't even touched the place that she needed her the most. "Please, Bo. I'm going to lose it. I want to feel you inside me. Stop teasing," she pleaded and moved one of Bo's hands between her legs.

Bo stoked her softly several times before taking her hand away, much to the blonde's frustration. "Patience, my love. I'm not finished getting reacquainted with your body yet," Bo murmured as she positioned herself between Lauren's legs and looked at the glistening folds at the apex of the blondes thighs. Bo kissed the inside of Lauren's thigh and got lost in the scent of her lovers arousal. "I've missed the smell of your desire." Bo opened Lauren's legs a little wider and swept her tongue over the wet, silken folds of flesh. "And I've missed the taste of your pleasure. I will never tire of loving you, Lauren."

Lauren moved her hips imploringly. "Then love me, Bo. Please...love me now!"

Bo chuckled at the blonde's insistent, urgent tone and how she strained against the hold she had on her thighs to move herself closer to the succubus' mouth. "Tell me you're mine. Tell me that no one loves you the way I do."

Lauren's hands clutched at the sheets with need. "Bo...please."

Bo swiped her tongue along Lauren's needy centre, just once. "Say it."

Lauren looked down to meet Bo's glowing blue gaze and realised that it wasn't just Bo with them in the room. Bo's succubus was present and was staking a claim on her and this excited her even more as she stared into the possessive eyes of the woman she loved. "I am yours."

"And?"

"Oh, God...No one loves me the way you do!" Lauren cried out as Bo leaned down and took her engorged clitoris into her mouth and sucked hard. "Bo! Please, I won't last long," Lauren pleaded and cried out again as the succubus inserted several fingers inside and curled her fingers hitting her sweet spot. Lauren's back arched and she threw her head back as Bo brought her to climax with just a few thrusts of her embedded fingers.

After a minute Bo removed her fingers and Lauren missed the feel of her immediately. Bo's eyes had returned to normal as she crawled up beside the blonde who was still gathering her wits after her orgasm. The brunette kissed her shoulder and then Lauren's lips. "I love you so much, Lauren," Bo said when they broke apart.

"I love you too, Bo," Lauren said with a dopey satisfied grin. The succubus yelped in surprise when Lauren moved quickly and covered her with the full length of her body. "Now it's my turn to torture you," Lauren said with a mischievous smile.

Bo chuckled at the doctors playful flirtation, her eyes gleaming as her succubus reacted to the woman pressed against her. "Hmm...Sweet, delicious torture," She said, pulling Lauren down into a kiss full of promise and heat.

They spent hours making love and getting reacquainted with each other until they fell apart spent and satisfied. They fell asleep wrapped in one another's arms both content and hopeful of a brighter future together...


	5. For Love

"When you're ready to go back to your real family… just say the word," Bo said as she gently lowered Lauren's arm from her shoulder. She started to walk past the doctor, trying not to show her how much her heart was breaking.

"Family, Bo? Really?" Lauren asked, her voice calm, but the fingers that had touched the succubus gently flexed and tightened into a fist.

The human doctor swallowed the fresh memories of fear and loneliness. _And yet, nothing new,_ she thought.

"I don't have a family," Lauren said. "I don't belong anywhere, Bo."

"You don't believe that," Bo argued, her back to Lauren. She blinked back her tears as she slowly turned around to face her former lover.

Lauren's gaze never wavered. "I know so," she said, pressing her lips together in a thin line. She ran a shaky hand over her hair, "I keep putting myself where I don't belong."

She smiled wryly at Bo. "I may not fit here but I have the assurance that I am wanted here."

"Wanted?" Bo asked, the strength leaving her voice as she stood in front of Lauren. "Wanted? Lauren, look around you." Bo gestured wildly around the office, at Evony's face hanging on the wall. "The Dark, they are just going to use you."

The doctor scoffed. "Was the Light any different? Was Hale? Was Kenzi? Trick? How about Dyson?" Lauren asked. "And you?"

Their eyes met.

Neither blinked.

"I loved you," Bo raised her voice, angry. "I love you, Lauren. Wanted you? I _needed_ you."

"No, Bo," Lauren shook her head, looking away. She shifted her stance, her black dress rusting softly. "You only thought you did."

"Do you want me to beg?" Bo asked, throwing her arms up in the air. "Because I will," she dared, stepping closer to Lauren who seemed to curl into herself.

Lauren's breath hitched as her molten brown eyes widened in surprise as Bo moved to lower herself on the Morrigan's carpet, ready to sink to her knees before the human slave.

It broke Lauren's heart and her resolve.

"Get up!" Lauren tugged on Bo's arm. "Get up!"

But she was no match to succubus strength. Bo kept her head bent and cast her eyes to the floor. Lauren grasped her shoulders.

"Bo, please," she pleaded softly, "get up." Desperation and heartache bled into her voice, shattering the façade of aloofness.

When the succubus remained on the floor, the doctor fell on her knees as well. "Get up," Lauren whispered desperately. "Bo."

Bo's shoulders shook. She could barely hold back a sob but the tears were already beyond her control.

"Bo, please," Lauren said again, her own eyes getting moist as her knees scrapped on the carpet.

Bo only cried silently.

Lauren cradled the succubus's face in her hands.

"Why did you leave, Lauren?" Bo asked, looking into Lauren's tearful face. "I loved you. I still love you… so much."

Lauren choked on sob, "You were never mine to keep." Her thumbs brushed the tears from Bo's face, "You have to let me go, Bo. You have to let go." She placed a lingering kiss on the succubus's forehead. "You deserve better than any of this." She paused and breathed her in.

But it couldn't last.

She sobered up and let her own hands fall to her sides, breaking her gaze from Bo's. She stood.

"_Never_ kneel in front of me again," she requested in a quiet voice. The doctor was back to her cool, detached persona; only her tears belied the moments that occurred just seconds prior.

"You should leave now." This time, it was her turn to walk past Bo.

Before she could blink, however, she was caught up in Bo's arms. Her were lips captured in a deep kiss, stealing her breath as always. Lauren wanted to give in, Bo could feel it. Lauren's body leaning into her like the only thing she wanted was to fall into Bo's arms. Bo ached to hold her.

"You still love me," Bo claimed, her breath ghosting across Lauren's lips. "I can see it."

Lauren pulled away but Bo's hand held her wrists while the other wrapped around her waist and clutched the cloth of her dress. "You only see lust," she said, recalling a distant memory of their earliest conversations.

"I don't need succubus powers to see how you really feel," Bo murmured. "Tell me I'm wrong. Tell me you don't love me."

"No," Lauren's lip quivered but her tearful eyes screamed, _I have always loved you._

Bo's eyes narrowed, hurt clouding her ability to understand what Lauren was really saying. "Even if you don't… even if you don't love me, you can't stay here."

"This is my decision, Bo," Lauren said, steeling herself. She wrapped her arms around herself. "Or are you going to force me, too?"

* * *

"She WHAT!?" Kenzi asked as she fussed with adjusting Tamsin's Jacket. Bo had found them dancing in the ballroom even though the party was starting to die down. If she was surprised to see Bruce, she gave no indication.

"She joined the dark," Bo said, blowing out a breath.

"Who's Lauren again?" Tamsin asked as she held still for Kenzi, who was every bit as frazzled as a mother hen. They kept talking about finding Lauren and she knew Dyson left to look for her. She kinda missed the scruffy wolf dude.

"Lauren's…" Kenzi hesitated. Her blue eyes flickered to Bo's pinched face. She sighed and faked a smile for the reincarnated valkyrie, "Lauren's our quirky quack doctor. She's part of the gang."

"Is she pretty?" Tamsin asked, blinking innocently down at Kenzi.

Kenzi nodded, tugging on the ties of Tamsin's jacket until they were even. "And super smart, too."

"She's very nice," Bruce piped up, his deep voice rumbling. "She bandaged up my wounds and was really gentle." He gave Tamsin a reassuring grin.

Tamsin looked at Bo's face curiously. _She looks mad,_ the blonde thought. "Will I get to meet her?" she asked hesitantly.

"Probably not anytime soon," Bo said as she strode out the door, boots clicking on the expensive tile. The trio stared after her.

"She's mad," Tamsin said worriedly. She looked to Kenzi for reassurance but the Russian-speaking girl was nonplussed given her years of experience as Bo's Official Best Friend. It had perks, too, she supposed as she watched Bo slam the Camaro's door.

"If it isn't the world ending, it's her love life," Kenzi said dryly. "Sometimes, they seem kind of synonymous." She scratched the back of her head.

"Sounds tough," Bruce commented as he adjusted the table cloth around his hips.

The short thief shrugged, "You kind of get used to it after a while."

* * *

"Bravo, Dr. Lewis," Evony smirked as Lauren stood in front of her. The Morrigan looked every bit like the cat who got the cream as she sat in her executive chair in her gold dress. "I'm only just a little surprised the little succubus didn't Bo-smash my office or that you're not picking up your panties from my carpet."

"I am a professional," Lauren said, leveling her gaze with the Morrigan as she stood across the desk.

The Dark leader chuckled. "Oh, is that what they call it now, sweetie?" Her tone condescending.

"Do you have any other tasks?" Lauren asked, this time without deference. She was no longer a slave, she didn't have to act pathetic and the Dark wasn't a stickler for protocol.

Evony's eyes crawled appreciatively up the doctor's body and Lauren hid the disgust that curled up in her belly. "No, that's it for now." The Morrigan leaned back in her chair. "Seeing your succubus weepy eyed has given me enough satisfaction for today. She's probably crying into her pillow, all 80's teens style, as we speak." She laughed with little sympathy, "Poor baby."

"I'll take my leave," Lauren said, through clenched teeth. "I still need to pack my things."

"Tut, tut," Evony said patronizingly, "Don't pout. It's unbecoming." Then her face broke into a wide grin. "I'll be sure to let Bo know that I appreciate the company of someone with your… _talents._ I take it that you're not averse to working with the Succubitch again?"

"You said I could refuse assignments," Lauren pointed out, daring the leader of the Dark fae to take her word back.

"That I did," Evony conceded but her lips curled in satisfaction, "But let's be real here, doctor, you can't control yourself around her."

* * *

"Bo looked really upset," Tamsin said as she let Kenzi tuck her in. She didn't really fit in Kenzi's bed because her legs were too long but the small human took good care of her. _More than anyone ever did,_ Tamsin thought, _but how do I know that?_ Memories were elusive but she knew she was home and safe here.

Kenzi smoothed out the blanket on Tamsin's legs and sat next to her, the soft mattress dipping a little. "She'll be okay, eventually. It's just that they have a lot of history together. Bo loves Lauren very much."

Bruce agreed, "Almost everyone who knows about the Unaligned Succubus, knows about her human doctor." Quietly, he added, "The elders will not approve but a lot of fae are secretly supporting it –if only for the drama." The fae liked to find juicy gossip where they could.

Tamsin looked up at Kenzi, "Does Lauren love Bo?"

"She does," Kenzi said. She was a little surprised about the conviction of her answer. "She loves her very much."

"Then how come Lauren didn't want to come home with Bo?"

"Maybe she's scared," Kenzi said. "No one was with her when Bo went missing. Dyson told her not to come home because it wasn't safe." _But we could have protected her._

"But Bo could keep her safe now," Tamsin reasoned.

"Well, sometimes, people also feel the need to get away, especially when they're confused or scared," Kenzi said giving Tamsin's shoulder a squeeze. "Sleep tight." She stood up and walked over to the corner were Bruce sat and plopped herself across from him.

"Now that you're free, Bruce, why don't you go to Bora-Bora?" she asked the muscular poetry expert. "Or, wherever. Just take off. Find yourself."

"I don't know," he sighed despondently, "I've always been the Morrigan's man. A killer, protector." He avoided her gaze, "I can't really do anything else."

"Well, maybe not but you'll never really know until you give it a shot, big guy," she told him supportively knowing he needed the pep talk. "Find your wings, Brushi." She shrugged, "Fly, you know?

Tamsin, curled up on the bed, listened to their exchange. Between what Kenzi told her about Bo and Lauren and what Kenzi was saying to Bruce, she was beginning to think that the simple resolution to it all was to be brave and find out who she was inside.

_Maybe that's why Lauren didn't want to go home,_ she thought to herself. _She's spreading her wings to fly, too._

* * *

Bo came back from the Dal and dragged her feet wearily to her room before falling on to her messy pink sheets, the day's events finally dragging her down. Reaching into her pocket, she clutched the box that held the necklace Lauren had given her.

Despite the anger and hurt she felt, she opened it and fingered the pendant inside. She had kept it with her, running her fingers over it every night but she was afraid to wear it because she didn't know what it meant and how she stood with Lauren.

Everything was fragmented and confusing and she had felt so much relief in seeing Lauren so beautiful and unharmed. She clutched onto the hope that everything would be alright because the doctor was finally there in her arms. Instead, she found that Lauren had left her again, leaving her more confused and broken.

"Some kind of forever," Bo scoffed, thinking of the words Lauren had written.

_For giving me the freedom to love. And, I do. Forever._

She nearly pitched the box across the room but couldn't actually do it. Once upon a time, the unaligned succubus was loved by a human doctor and all she had to show for it was a gift she stole. _No, that's not right,_ she thought. Lauren loved her, not because of what she was but because Lauren saw her as who she was.

She stood up and walked to her dresser. One of the drawers contained some of Lauren's things that she never had the heart to return after they had that break. _It was a break-up, Bo_, she told herself. _It's time for you to accept that she broke up with you._ She stared at the Light necklace Lauren had left when she ran away. She settled on pulling out a grey knit sweater she had found mixed in with her clean laundry. It was soft and she breathed it in, trying to find traces of Lauren's scent. Unable to find that connection, she shoved it back inside and pushed the drawer shut.

She wiped away errant tears with the back of her hand. Not for the first time did she curse her biology, her destiny, her life – this time, not because she couldn't live a normal human life but because being the unaligned succubus had cost her yet another chance of being loved.

More than that, it broke her heart to think that Lauren didn't feel like she belonged. Did she not fight for Lauren to become part of their family? A family composed of her ex-boyfriend, her ex-boyfriend's best friend and partner, and her best friend who preferred her ex-boyfriend over Lauren?

_No wonder._

She swallowed the guilt down but worse yet, a niggling thought in the back of her mind told her she was happy that she had Lauren mostly to herself. It was then that she realized that she was not angry at Lauren about this, she was angry at herself.

And, anger, she found, was easier.

* * *

Lauren carefully looked around the loft the Light had provided for her, the cage she called home for the past five years. She carefully assessed the things she needed to pack. She noticed that someone had recently watered her plants.

She paused by her desk.

Her fingers hesitated but she eventually opened one of the drawers. By touch alone, she knew the box was gone. She held her breath.

_Did Bo keep it?_ She wondered, pulling the drawer fully open and staring at the empty space that the box occupied. She clenched her eyes shut.

_Bo,_ the name echoed in her mind and she savored the ache in her chest. Even if things were not meant to be, she had to do this. Bo needed to be safe and Bo needed to be free. If that meant that Bo would never be hers again, it was still worth it.

She breathed deeply, keeping an image of Bo in her mind to draw strength from.

For love, _for Bo_, she will sacrifice.


	6. Near Misses

**NEAR MISSES**

**Rated M**

* * *

The art of love is largely the art of persistence. -Albert Ellis

* * *

Bo stood in front of Lauren with an icy severed hand in a freezer bag in one hand and her hopes and dreams in the other. All she wanted to do was to wash the crazy day away and to spend some time with Lauren who had been MIA for months. But, as it turns out, Lauren had other plans and for whatever reason, they didn't include Bo.

It was one of many times Lauren had unintentionally broken her heart. And maybe Bo was too soft-hearted, not having found enough to harden her heart in the world at large. Lauren stood across from Bo and declared her intentions to stay with the Dark, rebuffing Bo's promises to free her. Lauren could be just as stubborn as Bo, sometimes callously so. That accompanied by her doctorly detachment left Bo feeling cold after running hot since they had been reunited.

When she first laid eyes on her, walking across the lawn, grass threading through her toes, Bo's heart had swelled against her breast and tears pricked her eyes. Always a vision of grace and beauty, Lauren was the surprise Bo never expected. Even as Evony toyed with her, Bo never suspected she had an ace up her sleeve. After all, Lauren was the game-changer and that bitch, the Morrigan knew it. Bo was sure she had manipulated the situation with Lauren-just so-to gain Lauren's trust and to coerce Bo.

She was a subject of the Dark now and what better way to appease the succubus than offer her human lover as bait. Evony thought she was so clever but Bo had her number. She may have tricked her with the whole Vex debacle but Bo had been reckless, letting him get the best of her easily. Imagine her surprise when she marched into the Morrigan's office with Vex's cold, dead hand only to be reprimanded. Bo Dennis did not answer to anyone, anywhere, at anytime. Least of all, the leader of the Dark Fae. But Bo had to admit that she was a little disappointed in Lauren, being so easily duped by Evony.

Still, that didn't change the fact that as Bo was pressing her against the wall, sequestered away from the Dark Fae party that brought them together and they made the most of their ten minutes in heaven. Bo's fingers sunk into her and Lauren was speechless. Bo had, of course, fallen quite perfectly into Evony's bear trap. If Lauren was aware that she was the bait for the trap, it didn't show. But Lauren's breath was in her hair and she clung to Bo's neck and back, her knees trembling as Bo pressed into her, Bo's rhythm was maddening and when release loomed, Bo kissed her hard, muffling Lauren's moans. She was beautiful in the shadow of her orgasm. Her lips were cherry red, a fine sheen of sweat making her skin glow, and the blush of exertion on her cheeks and chest. But their coupling was short-lived as a knock at the door sounded immediately after Bo found release.

She heard footsteps and then the door opened, shining light into the darkness. Kenzi muttered something before flipping the light switch. She jumped at the sight of Bo sitting alone on the couch in the dark. "Jesus!"

"Sorry, Kenz," Bo sighed.

"Uh oh, who died?"

Bo let her head fall back and she stared at the rotting ceiling. "Just my relationship."

"Lauren's back?" Kenzi sat beside Bo.

Bo nodded. "With a vengeance."

"Shiz, dude! Inquiring minds wanna know? Where's the Doc been?" She sat at attention waiting for the skinny.

"Hell if I know," she started. "But the Morrigan played her endgame card."

"How's that?"

Bo sighed, drawing out the answer to Kenzi's question. "Lauren's with the Dark now."

"As the world turns!" Kenzi exclaimed. "What are you gonna do?" She bit her thumb nail.

"What can I do? She wants to stay and I want to go. It's over."

"Well, I never…" Kenzi shook her head.

"You never what?"

"I never thought I'd see the day that you'd let her go." Kenzi shrugged.

"Yeah, well, life's like that sometimes, Kenz." Bo stood, walking to the kitchen. She dragged a bottle of red wine off the counter and carried it back to the couch. She took a drink from the bottle.

"All class, Succubus."

"Who am I trying to impress?" She wiped her mouth with the back of her hand.

Kenzi patted her knee. "No one, clearly."

Another set of footsteps alerted the pair to her presence. Bo stood, facing the door as it opened to reveal Lauren standing on the threshold. She bowed her head, blonde hair cascading around her face as she spoke. "Hi."

Bo blinked, and for the second time that day she was convinced Lauren wasn't real. "Kenz-"

Kenzi stood. "Say no more, say no more." She shuffled up the stairs towards her room as Lauren took a few steps towards Bo.

"Why are you here?" Bo asked, casually-as cold as she could manage all things considered.

"Bo," she said, pained. Lauren sat on the couch.

"You want some wine?" Pulling a pair of wine glasses from the cabinet, Bo poured the cabernet sauvignon and offered it to Lauren, holding the glass out until she relented and took it in her hands.

She sipped the wine and set it aside.

Lauren turned toward Bo. "I've missed you," she said quietly.

"You have a funny way of showing it," Bo grumbled into her wine glass, before taking a long sip.

Lauren scooted closer, taking Bo's glass away from her and setting it next to her own. A hand pressed against Bo's cheek as she cocked her head to the side and watched her carefully. Bo's eyes drifted shut. She was warmed by the wine and undone by Lauren's presence. "Take me to bed, Bo."

"It won't fix anything," she said sadly, looking away.

"When has that ever stopped us?" She whispered.

She wasn't really going to turn down Lauren, was she? Lauren leaned forward and kissed her, a connection that Bo couldn't deny. Her fingertips tingled, her heart raced and Lauren's hands were tearing at her top. She kicked off her shoes and straddled Bo's lap, kissing her fiercely, the crinoline of her dress crinkling as Bo held Lauren against her. She must've known that she could only tempt a succubus for so long before it backfired on her. Bo peeled away her jacket and threw it toward the other end of the couch. Reaching behind her she unzipped Lauren's dress, her straps fell around her shoulders as Bo's mouth covered her neck. Beneath her dress, Bo's hands inched up her thighs to her waist and she yanked Lauren's panties down roughly, fingers sinking into her with ease.

"Bo…" came a long, low moan from Lauren, her hands in Bo's hair. Bo bent her backwards in her lap, her body taut as Bo's mouth continued its explorations across her chest, hands squeezing her breasts. "Bo," she gasped. "Take me upstairs."

Lauren hooked her feet around Bo's hips as she lifted them off the couch. Snaking her arms around her neck, she buried her face in Bo's shoulder. It always surprised Bo how light Lauren was and tonight as she climbed the stairs to her bedroom, she felt it profoundly.

She laid Lauren on her unmade bed and took a step back, hurriedly undressing herself. She unbuckled the dagger from her thigh and set it on an open trunk, pushing her pants off her hips. Lauren's eyes were wide with arousal, watching. When Bo had kicked off her last stitch of clothing, Lauren stood, her dress falling to the to the floor. She took a wide step over it toward Bo and sighed when their skin finally pressed together.

Their mouths clashed, hands clutched at whatever they could grab as they fell back onto the bed together. Bo popped up immediately, climbing over her, their mouths meeting roughly as Bo held herself above her. Hiking Lauren's knees over her hips, Bo settled into the apex of her legs, pressing herself against Lauren. She looked down at her, a sparkle in her eye.

"Touch me," she said, her hand coming to rest on the back of Bo's neck. "Please."

The need in her voice, cut Bo right to the quick and her hips jumped, slowly settling into a rhythm. Lauren moaned, and not some stifled fucking-at-a-Dark-Fae-party moan either, but a real, honest to goodness moan.

They had sex earlier at the Dark Céilidh but it was quick and dirty. There was no time to get undressed, just pushing panties aside and slipping into oblivion for ten minutes. They hadn't made love in months and when it's been that long a few fingers will always suffice. But it was over so fast and only left Bo hungry for more. When Bo made a move to go for a second act, Evony interrupted again. Their ride was ready and so was the scavenger. Fantastic.

So, Bo had driven around in a limo, staring down Lauren's dress, her panties in Bo's pocket. If that wasn't torture, than Bo didn't know what was. But she was starting relive her earlier urges as her hips ground down against Lauren's. A thrust, and a soft "mmph" from Lauren as they pressed together.

Her hands were in Bo's hair, her tongue in Bo's mouth, Lauren was letting go, giving in and Bo was taking over. She held onto the headboard as she worked her hips against Lauren's. Biting her lip as she increased the pressure of her thrusts, Bo's head fell back. Lauren ran her hand from the length of Bo's neck, between her breasts, over the plane of her stomach before gripping her thigh. Her thrusts were coming sporadically now, grinding more and thrusting less.

Lauren's eyes fluttered shut. "Oh, Bo," her lithe fingers pulled Bo down to her.

Bo's mouth explored her neck before covering Lauren's with a crushing kiss. Her hips jumped as she found a swifter tempo. She was writhing now and Bo was to blame, but she didn't let up. Instead, she pushed harder, grinding against Lauren. When the breath caught in Lauren's throat, Bo knew she was close and moved faster still.

Lauren grabbed her ass with both hands and held her against herself, her hips making little circles against Bo who was having a hard time catching her own breath. "Lauren," she moaned.

Her nails were digging into Bo's back but the pain just spurred her on. Harder, faster, she pushed herself to the brink. Tenderness was out the window and raw and rough were in.

The quiet concentration came before she did. Lauren bit her lip and expelled a shuddery breath. Bo knew her sounds and knew that she was teetering on the precipice. Bo's hips slammed into hers and then she was free. Her orgasm eclipsed Bo's bad day and it was only a few moments later when Bo felt release coursing through her own body.

She fell to the side of Lauren, chest heaving. Lauren looked over at Bo and smiled, a real showstopper, in fact and Bo was drowning in her mixed signals. As their breathing slowed, the reality of the situation set in. There were no words between them, just the smooth caress of hands and the evening of breath. It had been so long since they were in this place but it was short-lived. Not five minutes after her orgasm, Bo could only watch as Lauren sat up, sighing happily before slipping out of bed to retrieve her dress from the floor. Stepping into it, Lauren turned her back to Bo. "Zip me?"

Bo bowed her head and acquiesced. "Lauren," she started.

"Hmm?" Lauren hummed.

"Don't go." _There, she said it._

Lauren crawled onto the bed and wrapped herself around Bo. She would press kisses against Bo's neck and inhale the scent of her hair and in a short while, Lauren would be drifting off, her soft noises enchanting Bo further.

* * *

Bo inhaled sharply, her eyes opening suddenly. She rolled over and checked the clock. Eight a.m. Her arm smoothed across the empty bed. Lauren's shoes were gone from the doorway as was every trace that she had been there. Bo sighed. Nothing filled Bo with terror like the death of a relationship but she wasn't enough for Lauren anymore. She was good for a booty call but it was clear to Bo that Lauren had outgrown her.

She felt foolish but not used. She knew what they had shared up against that wall at the party and between the sheets of Bo's bed was genuine love and desire. _Why put up fronts, then? _Bo wondered.

Bo dressed with purpose and wandered downstairs where the coffee pot was percolating and her roommate was speculating.

"So you just talked last night, am I right?"

Bo yawned. "Sure."

"Then we need to talk about the after party," Kenzi said holding up a pencil with a pair of panties dangling from its end.

"Shit." Bo snatched the underwear from Kenzi and for the second time in two days, Bo stuffed Lauren's panties in her pocket.

"So, you and the Doc had a real meeting of the minds, did you?"

"Look, Kenzi, it's nearly been a year, we didn't do anything wrong."

"Then why are you waking up alone?"

"She had to get back to the Dark Fae compound," Bo lied.

"Uh huh. If you ask me, Doc wants her cake," she started. "That's you," she said from behind her hand. "And she wants to eat it, too." She cleared her throat. "Friends with benefits," she whispered.

"Stop. Just stop." The pained expression on Bo's face was Kenzi's indicator to cease and desist.

"Sorry Succyface. I thought-"

"It's okay," Bo waved Kenzi off.

"I can see that someone needs their space today, so I'll be up in my room reading Flowers In The Attic."

"Kenzi, don't go." Bo flailed. "I'll go." Snatching her keys from the counter, she walked into the entry way and pulled the panties from her jacket, momentarily before stuffing them back into her pocket. She sighed, opening the door to the outside and, hopping down the stairs toward the Camaro, Bo frowned at an approaching car. The taxi stopped in front of the clubhouse, its door opening and Lauren climbing out with a large brown paper bag.

Bo couldn't stop the smile that spread stupidly across her face as Lauren approached, still in that fantastic little black dress. "Where'd you go?"

She lifted the paper bag and smiled. "Amazing patisserie-I got us breakfast."

"I thought-" Bo couldn't bear to finish her thought but Lauren nodded knowingly.

"We should go in," Lauren said awkwardly.

"Yeah." Bo nodded, following Lauren into the clubhouse.

"Hey Bo-Bo!" Kenzi called. "Did you forget something? Her panties are in your pocket, dude!"

The floor creaked and Kenzi looked over her shoulder to see Bo and Lauren standing by the kitchen. Bo rocked back on her heels.

Kenzi sized Lauren up. "Well, aren't you the Belle of the ball?" She smiled cordially and then frowned. "Isn't it a little drafty in that dress?"

Reaching into her pocket, Bo held out the balled up underwear to Lauren. "You know, this is not how I saw breakfast going at all…"

"Breakfast?" Kenzi perked up from her spot on the couch.

"I brought pastries." Lauren began unwrapping the croissants, beignets, éclairs, and profiteroles filled with chocolate pastry cream.

Kenzi tip toed up to the platter of pastries, hand over mouth. "Mon dieu!" She exclaimed.

Lauren sat on the sofa picking at a croissant and Bo sat on the arm of the couch beside her pulling a beignet apart. Laying a hand on Bo's thigh, Lauren studied her profile.

Bo paid her a sideways glance. "What made you come back?"

"Breakfast-"

"I get the feeling that it was an afterthought."

"Bo…" She rubbed Bo's knee.

"Look, it's okay. I get it. You don't want to do this anymore."

Kenzi looked up from the pastry tray and took a handful of pastries. She scuttled past the sofa and towards the stairs to her room. "Not feeling the third wheeling today," she mumbled, her mouth full of food, as she climbed the stairs.

"I'm here, aren't I?" Bo didn't have a witty rebuttal or even a bitchy one. She was defeated. "Bo, this isn't about you, I promise. I just have some things I need to take care of."

"You know what, Lauren? It's fine." Bo stood and dropped her beignet in the trash. "Do what you have to do."

Lauren got to her feet and walked to meet Bo in the kitchen. Standing in front of Bo, their eyes met, hers, sparkling with endless possibilities and Bo's who asked countless questions. "I'm not going anywhere." Lauren whispered. She kissed her fervently, cupping her cheeks with the palms of her hands. Bo remained still, hands at her sides and when she pulled away, Bo silently followed her with her eyes. Lauren lifted her purse from the counter. She smiled. "In all our time together, I don't think I've ever gone home with my underwear in my purse." Bo didn't look up from her boots and Lauren's smile faded. "Bo, say something. Please."

"See you around," she said.

Lauren set her purse down again and turned toward Bo. "I deserved that."

"Yeah, you did," Bo echoed.

She looked away then, but Bo still watched her. Taking her purse again, she walked toward the door. She wanted to stop her but she would be back, of that Bo was certain. Whether for protection, sex, or comfort. Lauren Lewis couldn't stay away and Bo would be lying if she said she didn't like it that way. Still, the wait would be agonizing, the sexual tension would crackle between them and her desire would grow, but she would wait for Lauren because love is patient and Bo could be too.

* * *

Fin.


	7. Perceptions of Loss

There are a thousand things that I want to do: I want to run back, I want to apologize, to take her into my arms, to hold her close and never let go of her again, to tell her that I love her, words not spoken when I saw her once again. Whisper those delicate (damning) words in her ear until she understands, until she knows that I want her, and only her. I want to fall to my knees and beg her for forgiveness for my own stupidity, for my temper, for my inability to control myself when I need to most.

I want to yell and scream, raging and asking why! Why won't she explain what is going on, her reasons behind this decision, for there has to be an ulterior motive, she rarely makes choices without weighing the consequences to those around her, to her loved ones, putting them first before she even considers herself. But even if she her reasons are as selfish as they appear to be why won't she give _us _a chance to talk, to grow together once again, to work things out, to gain closure if it truly is doomed to fall apart, to implode within itself no matter what we do!

I close my eyes as I take a breath, the heavy atmosphere that had gathered between us still lingering, adding to the weight on my chest, the one that grows heavier, with each breath I take. My tongue is heavy, bitter with the words, phrases, sentences that I spoke to my love. The damaging, damning words that I spoke, to late to take back, and far too late to undo the harm that I have inflicted on the woman I love.

However no matter the movements I try to make, the number of times I force myself to take a step forward, a step away, to walk in any direction, I remain where I am, frozen in place, stuck in a limbo there is no escape from. The only thing I can do is take in air, pulling it greedily into my lungs as I try to suppress the emotions rising up from within me, as I try to fight for some semblance of my mind even as I try to go against my natural instincts.

Something I learned about from Lauren, from the woman that I love with all of me, but am too stupid, to unwilling, to speak the words aloud, to admit to myself that the choice that I've made, the one I was once so happy and so sure about, and how it has hurt me, has hurt her, has hurt _us_. I don't want to admit that of all people she holds power over me, the pathetic human part of me, the one that I'm told is weaker, yet it seems infinitely stronger.

If I allow hate, and anger to consume me then I will become what I hate most.

I will become _her _again;the monster that haunts my dreams, the thing that I try to run from everyday, despite the fact that she is slowly beginning to consume me. The moments of clarity that come when I manage to wrench my mind away from her claws, they become fewer and farther between, as something unrecognizable as _me_ claws its way out of the dark cage I banished it to my entire life. As it slowly tears apart the life that I have built for myself, the family that I have found, and the acceptance that I have craved. This monster that slowly eats away at me, taking over my body as it tightens its hold on me, tearing me away from myself until I become little more than a passenger, sitting back and watching as my life, the small one that I've built for myself, is ruined by a monster created from my blood, my body, my very nature, denied by me until it took on a manifestation of its own consciousness.

If I do not fight back the darkness, then I will loose myself to anger, to bitterness and to an infinite sadness that haunts me in the darkness of night, when I'm alone in bed. Manifestations of guilt is what Lauren told me when she found out about the nightmares, about the past that haunts me. She says I have no reason to feel guilty over the body count that I've incurred, over the lives that I've ended and the families, the futures, the worlds, that I've ruined. But I'm still responsible for each and every one of those deaths, for every person who was killed because I couldn't control myself.

I blink my eyes trying in vain to suppress the tears welling up within them.

I've lost her; through my own stupidity I've lost her again. Everything in me is screaming to turn around and go back to her, to try and forget the look of masked hurt in her eyes as I walked away. Opening my own I blink, trying to bring the blurry green lines of the wall across from me into focus but they only become more distorted as the tears that I'm holding back buildup. They hesitate, hovering at the precipice, before something within me breaks, gives out, and they overflow, running down my cheeks and dripping onto the floor.

Everything I touch I ruin.

Clenching my hands I turn around, about to walk away, when something stops me, holding me in place, and before I can stop myself I turn around on my heel and head back towards the room I had just left. The click of my boots echoes in the otherwise silent hallway as I walk back towards the room that I had left Lauren in.

Stopping at the corner I lean against the wall as I listen, to see if she's still there, or if she had left, just as I had walked away. She would've had to have gone the other way out of the room, the way that Evony took, towards the Dark and away from the Light. Closing my eyes again I lean against the wall there, waiting and listening.

She is right about something. No matter how hard I can try to save her, she doesn't need it, she never has, sometimes she's needed it in that she got herself caught up in danger to help me, but when it comes to her own matters, she's never needed me.

She's far too strong for that, to need me.

The bravest person that I know, I once told her, something that still stands to this day because it took her a hell of a lot more courage to walk away from me then it did to simply fall back into my arms. That would have been the easy way out of this, but knowing Lauren there is some more complicated, deeper and more personal reason then simply the Dark treat her well.

I want to laugh at the thoughts that are filling my head, at the fact that I'm thinking about this at all! It's so not like me.

Normally I would want to beat someone up, or to bury myself in sex.

Maybe I should try and find that self-help book that Kenzi made me throw out the last time something like this happened, after Dyson broke my heart, before I was ready to forgive Lauren. I almost want to laugh at the idea because that would mean returning to simpler times, to happier times, before things got so overly complicated.

Before I joined the Dark, before I lost my memories, before I was marked and kidnapped by the Wanderer.

Everything was so much simpler back then, well aside from the Garuda, but he's wasn't in the picture at the time.

I think back then the most complicated thing in my life was Dyson, and trying to get over him.

Not an easy task, but one that did happen, or at least I thought it had happened. I thought I had gotten over him.

I try to breath as I close my eyes, trying to prevent the tears from welling back up. I should be confused, I should be angry, there are so many things that I should feel right now, but all I want to do is go back into that room and pull Lauren into my arms. I just want to know that she's okay, that she's safe and isn't going to run again because selfishly? I need her here with me, despite the fact that her life is in danger.

I wish I could control myself better, that I could think before I speak, that I could let go of the anger and guilt that has been bubbling inside of me since she justifiably broke up with me, since she refused to look me in the eye at Taft's lab. I wish I could let go of the flame that fanned the anger in the form of her words.

But I _can't_ because I'm stupid, weak, stubborn and selfish. I want her, and I want Dyson. I want everyone and everything. I want a life, a stereotypical- white picket fence, 1.61 children with Lauren, but now… I don't think that's ever going to be possible, there are so many things that I've had to let go of, and more that have been slowly slipping away from me.

I smile bitterly at the memories of the Dawning, of telling Lauren that I want her, that I want it to only be her.

What was it I said? _I want to live, I want to travel the world, but I only want to do that with you_.

It is still true, I still want her, I want that life with her, but if today's an indication then that's another thing that's slipped away from me because of _me_.

I can look myself in the mirror now and barely recognize myself, between the darkness, and the Wanderer, and the amnesia, and god knows what he did to me on that train. I think I'm going to lose myself again, I'm going to go back to that place.

I can't chose but I can.

I can't love either but I love both.

One person is my heart, but she's not all of it. She's the most important person in my life, but she's not.

Everything I touch I destroy through a combination of selfishness, self-centredness, weakness to my own desires, and so many more things that I cannot even begin to think about right now.

Liar.

Cheater.

Selfish.

Neglectful.

And those words only begin to scratch the surface of what is happening, of who I am and who I've become. The woman who stares back at me in the mirror, the one that I barely know, the one that I don't _want_ to know, but the one that is as intrinsic to me as breathing.

"I'm a mess." I whisper to myself. "That's all I am is a mess."

"I'm sorry Lauren." I whisper as I turn and press my back against the wall. "I am so sorry."

I tilt my head back against the wall, closing my eyes as I listen, try to figure out if there was anyone there, but unlike in the movies there is not hitched breath, there is no sounds of pounding feet against the wooden floor. There is nothing is this space, only the empty silence that surrounds me, the empty oppressive silence of words unspoken, of talks that have never happened and indeed may never.

I strain my hearing, listening for my lover, to see if she is on the other-side of this wall. Is her hand pressed where mine is? Is her heart pounding in her ears as tears drip down her cheeks?

No.

Of course not.

Because that is merely a fantasy I can use to entertain myself, a scene of irony taken from any of the romantic-comedies that I have watched with Kenzi or with my lover, whose enjoyment of them is something I only found out after we started dating, and something I had teased her for relentlessly. I smile at the bittersweet memories of happier times, of times when I could pretend that we were nothing more then any other couple, two people simply in love with each other, enjoying our time together between our work and our separate lives, two people who had simply come together.

Two humans, any other couple, the fantasy that I had grown up, suddenly thrust into my grip, suddenly attainable when I thought it was banished forever to the darkest corners of my mind, the same place where the monster resides. The fantasy that at some point had become hinged on my lovers presence, on her being there as the person who I come home to and who comes home to me.

The dream that had been impossible had suddenly become real again, only to be systemically stripped away from me bit by bit as reality swept in, destroying the fantasy that we had built for ourselves, the lies that we told ourselves. The ones we had taken refuge in when the entire world had said our relationship was doomed, was forbidden.

Now, there is little choice left for me in this place, decisions that I was systemically stripped of, relationships that were being lost or broken as the monster slowly claws its way to the surface.

Hope that I had regained upon finding the simple token she had left for me, the simple note scrawled in her neatest script, the one she reserved for the special notes she had left beside me in moments of intimacy that she could not be there for. The hope had stripped away the veneer of anger, of hatred, that I had placed on her, the slander of her name in my mind.

Her token had been a balm, soothing my heart and healing the breaking and shattered pieces, gluing them back together in the most fragile of forms. But I had misread the situation, the necklace is little more than a token of gratitude it would seem, and yet that should not be what it meant, not coming from her, not a necklace coming from her.

The light object that had hung from her neck for five years, but one that had borne the weight of her world on it, had bound her in place, stripped of her freedom. There had to be more meaning to the necklace coming from _her_, for giving me a necklace is perhaps more personal than a ring could ever be in our case, because while a ring would normally bind two people together, their fingers encased in the never ending loops, it would not hold the same weight as a necklace.

The laughter bubbles up in my chest at the ridiculousness of my own thoughts, at the fact that I am thinking about the importance of a necklace from my lover of all things. I smile bitterly at the reminder of the plain white box sitting, hidden away, in one of my drawers, the one that had been hers, and still is. Blinking open my eyes I stare at the room around me, suddenly to small to be comfortable.

I look around as I feel panic beginning to rise in my chest, my heart beginning to pound underneath my breast, trying to escape from the dark confines of my ribs. Without thinking I take off, my feet pounding as I try to leave this place, this hate filled and dangerous place.

I walk through the door to my home, shutting and locking it behind me. Without even looking around I know that no one else is awake, the occupants of the attic quiet despite the early hour.

As I cross the room the floorboards squeak out there protest to my weight, bearing it far past their expiration date. I try not to look around the room as I walk past the places that remind me of her, of our time together. The couch she had fallen asleep on, after coming here despite a long, hard, exhausting shift at the labs. Of the nights she had called and told me not to expect her that night, but in the end she had turned up at our doorstep anyways, her key sliding into the lock, turning it as she stepped into this place, smiling slightly when she saw me curled up on the couch, watching a movie, waiting up for her because I knew that just like always she would come here.

The first time that happened, that she had appeared despite telling me otherwise, it was the first time that she had slept over without us making love that night. She had fallen asleep on the couch as we watched a movie, and I had simply carried her up to bed, tucking her in in a routine that I have repeated with Kenzi countless times. And I think bitterly, a routine that I had become familiar with for her as well.

I close my eyes as I continue past the kitchen, unwilling to look, knowing that if I do I will see an image of her standing in the domain that she claimed as her own soon after she began to stay over regularly. I knew I would see her pattering around, murmuring to herself chemical equations that I have no hope of understanding, and yet are both endearing and arousing to me despite that. I know I would see her holding a pan full of brownies, her umpteenth apology to Kenzi for the noise that we had made the night before, or any number of other dishes in any other number of containers as she gave me another lecture on my eating habits. One that I would have smiled through, staring at her, lost in her passionate ranting, her eyes alight with a fire that I so rarely saw in her, but if today was any indication one that was not uncommon in the past.

I walk past another area of the clubhouse, the wall near the stairs, and I try not to think about the times that we made love there, unable to make it up to our… my bedroom in time. I close my eyes as I try not to hear her moans and cries of love and passion echo in the creaks of the walls as the winds howl through with the first cries of a storm in the distance. I try not hear myself telling her that I love her, that I want her, that she is the only person I love and crave, lies whispered to appease our hearts and ears, denying my nature to allow us to continue to function for a fraction of a second longer, to keep from breaking down completely in an inevitable storm of destruction we knew was coming but continued to deny.

The first of the steps groans under my weight, and I try not to hear the echo of her cries in my ear as I guided us up the stairs, her thighs wrapped around my waist, the press of her warm body against mine the only protection from the drafty cold of the house. I try not to feel her lips against mine in heated, passionate, slow, and loving kisses. I try not to hear the words of reverence, of pleasure whispered in my ear as we climb what always seemed to be a mountain in order to escape to the place that became our sanctuary in the hills, the only place that we could be together.

When I reach the top of the landing I try not to think of the times that she took me against the wall outside of my bedroom. I walk quicker to try and avoid the thought of the heat of her breath against my neck, the feeling of her fingers as they dance inside of me bringing me to completion in a way that I have never known before or since her.

When I enter my bedroom, closing the doors behind me I have to ignore the feeling of her hands ghosting over mine as I remove my clothing, stripping away each layer of my garments until I stand within my room, skin bared for the world to see. I close my eyes, knowing that if I open them I will see her standing opposite me, arms open, eyes soft with love, but pupils dilated with lust.

I know as I curl up in my bed, the silken covers smooth, cool against my skin, that the aching, shredded, heart beating slowly, wounded lay in my chest. It will be warped when I awaken tomorrow. The demon, only calmed by her presence, will return, consume me, whispering words of bitter resentment and deceit in my ear, telling my wounded heart to harden itself to her, to my heart, to my blood, to my warrior, and to my loyal companion.

I will listen, I will harden my heart because the seductive words it breathes into my ear are easier to hear then the truth. That when she walks into my life again, knocking on the door that never fails to let her into her home, into the heart that belongs to her.

I know I will wake up to the iron claws of the demon gripping my mind, the creature banished by Lauren's presence will return. It will whisper words into my ear, its claws will grip my mind, through its machinations and my own weak will I will let it in; I will let it control my actions, words, and thoughts. I will become a demon once again, my darkness incarnate as I become little more than a passenger within my own vessel.


	8. Believe in Me

_**Believe In Me**_

_How do you say goodbye when there is still so much left to be said? _

_How do you say goodbye when everything inside you says this might be the last goodbye ever spoken between the two of you?_

_How do you look into such harmless eyes that stare back at you with a warmth, with a love almost as pure as a child's and bring tears to them once more?_

_How do you live with yourself when it feels like you've earned more tears than smiles, more cries than moans, more sobs than laughs? _

_How do you find the strength for this?_

"I hate that woman," _she glares passed me at the door, completely unaware my eyes haven't left her face in minutes. _"Full moon bullshit. Turns out I can't un-Dark myself."

"There has to be a way." _Honestly I've never come across one in all of my studies, but I just can't bear to see her lose hope. _

_It's one of the things I've always admired so much about her. The way she can hold onto the tiniest sliver of hope. The way a single drop of hope to her could fill an entire bucket. _

_Hope for freedom. Hope for love. Hope for justice. Hope for a better life not just for herself but those she loves. Hope in people who've long ago forgotten what the word means beyond a simple definition. _

"Well, at least I have you back." _Her eyes dance over my face as her voice softens, her free hand sliding around my waist. I should pull back-I should tense under her touch, a subtle and unspoken way of alerting her something is wrong. The problem is I never could pull away from her, mostly because I've never truly wanted to._ "Come on. Let me take you home and we will wash away all this double-dealing and manipulation in say a giant, claw-foot bathtub?" _she flashes me that smile, the one that masterfully teeters between devilish and loving._ "Besides this ice is gonna melt." _She pulls her hand away as she lifts the other giving me an excuse to look away. My eyes falling upon the contents but I'm not really looking at them—she won't notice the difference. _

"Hm." _An unconscious noise that slips passed my defenses when I dare to look up, a mere glimpse of her smile—the one I'm about to destroy and I quickly force my gaze back down. _

"Hey, what's wrong?" _her once whimsical laced tone now tainted by concern._

_Drawing in a deep breath as I avoid her gaze, I try to keep the tormenting memories of the last time I earned the exact same transition from her. I try to keep the agonizing feeling in the pit of my stomach to a minimum as I realize I've run out of time. _

_God, what I would give for just a little more time. A little more devilish smirks and futile jokes about a hand in a bag. A little more adoring glances and loving touches. A little more inviting offers of a future together—even if it is just for the night. A little more opportunity to allow her to suggest things she doesn't even realize she is suggesting. _

_The sound of her saying home and the two of us in the same sentence bringing a joy I hadn't expected. A hint at something I hadn't even thought about until this very moment, but now as I watch it slip away I can't help but miss it. _

"I don't think that I can go back there." _Nine words somehow manage to shatter everything._ "With the light."

"I don't understand." _Her features riddle in confusion but her eyes tell a different story. A story of pain and even a sense of knowing which had been laying dormant just beneath the surface._

"When the Una Mens started killing humans and I ran, the Light never bothered to come looking for me. But the Dark, they sought me out. Offered me protection—"

"Lauren."

"Sure they were drama queens about it. Tested me by forcing me to diagnose one of their Elders, but they came. When no one else did."

_I swallow back the growing lump in my throat. Somehow the eccentricities of the passed situation mentioned first doing little to cushion the last five words. _

_They weren't directed at her…..not completely. _

_Dyson, Kenzi, Hale—anyone of them could have come looking but they didn't. I never expected them to, not really but for some reason the blow of knowing they didn't is still substantial. With Kenzi I believed we had met on a common ground, understood and accept the other's intentions. Hale was the closest one to a friend I had. Then Dyson, the supposedly noble hero who is supposed to have a code of honor. The man who is supposed to honor his bond to those he fights beside, I've lost count of how many times we've fought together now. _

_Then there IS her…who has been back for weeks, yet the first time I catch a glimpse of her it is by chance. _

"I would've come—"

"But you couldn't. I know_," I look into her eyes as the metaphorical knife in my heart twists a little deeper_. "I'm not angry Bo—with you." _I glance passed her penetrating stare._ "And with the Dark I can come and go as I please. I'm with them on my terms. There's no binding agreements. There's no dog collar. I can't believe that I'm saying this but for the first time Bo, I feel free."

_I wish it were a lie. _

_I wish I was saying this because I'm bitter—I am, but it doesn't take the truth from my words. I wish I was saying this to hurt her—it does, but that isn't why. I wish that the world was black and white, that the Light were simply the good guys and the Dark were simply the bad guys. I wish that I didn't have as much leniency with the Dark as I did and that I didn't feel as free as I do. _

_I wish she could see the world beyond black and white. Beyond the definition of sides that was given to her when she was introduced to this world—my world. I wish she could see passed her loyalty to Dyson. _

_Most of all, I wish she could see beyond my words. _

"But I could free you. We could be free together."

"How?"

"Fight for you. Protect you. Claim you if I have to."

"Yeah," _I nod while keeping my eyes on the floor. I don't need to see her face to know what she's feeling, her voice says it all._ "You mean own me." _Drawing in another breath I pull what strength I have left, look up into her agony filled eyes and prepare to utter the truth that she works so hard to deny_. "You're Fae. I'm human."

"So what?" _she snaps, I can't help but notice the change from the last time I forced her to realize the truth about 'us'._

"So, I'll always be a prisoner. The least I can do is chose my own cage." _She's hurt but not broken, not like before._

_She's changed…so have I. _

"It's gonna be okay Bo," _My hand going to her shoulder as I utter words that she will only take at face value. Maybe one day when all is said and done she'll look back at his moment, remember my words and realize there was so much being spoken underneath the surface._ "Now that you're Dark I'll see you around."

_There is this flash of anger—maybe disgust as she looks at my hand at first. Then she catches herself or maybe her pain just wins out this time, her features reverting to their pain ridden counterpart. _

_The one I know so well. _

_She covers my hand with her own and I watch in curiosity as each second passes. I expected her to drop it, to remove it from her and step away. She doesn't though, instead she holds it tightly while peering into my eyes. _

_For a mere moment I could swear she understands. _

_For a mere moment I could swear she trusts in me. _

"When you're ready to come back to your real family, just say the word." _She struggles to keep her voice from breaking, struggles to keep the inevitable tears away. She lets go of my hand and walks passed me without as much as another word. Like the fool I am I turn back to see if she will-she doesn't. _

_For a mere moment I could swear she believed in me. _

_I hear her steps stop just outside the door and I literally hold my breath waiting to see if she will turn back around. _

_But I'm not Dyson, so she won't. _

_I'm not him so the sacrifices I've made for her are easily forgotten. The words I've spoken to her fall to deaf ears. The promises we've made each other are easily broken. What little faith she manages to spare for me is effortlessly washed away. _

_I'm not him so the pain I cause will only lessen but never disappear. The wounds I cause will never heal and the scars will never fade. Every word spoken in contradiction to her held against me and those for her, forgotten. Every act of love lessened by the memory of one of betrayal. _

_Sometimes I wonder if it is a blessing or a curse that I'm not held in the same regard as him. Sometimes when looking into her eyes as she held me, I was sure it was the biggest blessing I could have ever received. Sometimes watching her walk away believing that I am anything but loyal to her, I'm as sure it's a curse as I am sure I need air to breathe. _

_I take a single step forward but only one. _

_Even if she did come back or if I went to her, what would I say? _

_What words could be spoken to make her understand that I'm hurting her for her own good? What words could be spoken to make her see that I'm doing this for her? What words could be spoken to make her realize that I love her? What words could be spoken to make her even fathom that there is no ceremony needed nor oath to be taken for me to belong to her, I already do. _

_What words could be spoken to make her believe in me….even just once? _

"I fucked Dyson, you know."

_I do know actually._

_I don't say that though. Actually I don't say anything at her surprise return or more accurately, I don't say anything at her juvenile attempt of hurting me. _

_She stands there in the doorway looking at me with this unique mixture of calmness with an underlining rage. I suppose this is what I look like most days, it's quite interesting. _

_I'm sure she was expecting a different response from me, but there is only so many times you can act surprised about the inevitable. We are all creatures of habit, some more than others and Bo is a perfect example of that. My unwavering devotion to her despite her careless actions toward me, is a perfect example of that. _

"Did you hear me?"

"My ears work just fine Bo."

"Then say something." _She clenches her jaw, eyes dancing over my face but this time she's looking for something. She's desperately searching for a reaction of some kind but I won't let her see my pain, not this time._ "Lauren."

"I slept with someone too."

"Wh-what?" _her once rigid tone faltering to something resembling wounded._ "Who?"

"Does it matter?"

"Yes."

"Why?"

"Because."

"Because?" _I snort, shaking my head as for the first time I let my eyes fall from hers._ "It doesn't matter."

"It does."

"No Bo, it doesn't."

"It matters! It matters **to me**." _Her voice raises but that isn't what catches my attention, not completely_. _What does grasp my attention is the way her eyes flash blue. It only lasts for a moment but I know I've caught it. I've seen that from her more times than I've cared to but this is the first time it's ever been at me._ "It matters to me whether it was a man or a woman." _She takes a single step toward me._ "It matters whether or not I know this person." _Another step_. "It matters whether they were human or Fae." _And another._ "It matters whether it was making love or fucking." _One more step bringing her within arm's reach._ "Everything about this matters."

_Despite the way her fists clench and the way she stands so combative, I'm not worried. Despite the way her jaw does this tremble as her nostrils fare with every word spat at me, I'm not worried. Despite the way her left eye is doing this slight twitch that only happens when she's trying to keep tears back from anger, I'm not worried. _

_I'm not even worried about the way her deep brown eyes gradually dance between their natural color and their icy counterparts. _

_Bo can hurt me in a magnitude of ways. Ways that are so effortless, so skillfully done that it is almost an art form. At times I think she does it on purpose, a punishment for my first sin against her, the one she'll never forgive. But she would never put her hands on me, and that I would bet my life on. _

_Which makes everything about her current temper tantrum somewhat of an idle threat. _

"Her name was Crystal and she is human, or maybe was. I'm not quite sure if she is alive or dead, she sort of just—vanished." _I give the slightest of shrugs as my sentence comes to an end. _

"And?"

"And what Bo?" _my brow raises as I can't help but snort at the way she speaks, almost as if I owe her a response._

_I watch as blue slithers along the edges of her irises creating a new color all of their own. I'm surer now more than ever that something has changed. Something has changed within her, something beyond the surface. I can't help but to feel a surge of concern though I can't concern myself with that now, I already have a mission. _

_I'm already trying to protect her from this. Let her perfect family with her perfect, little wolf protect her from whatever this change is. _

"I couldn't make love to her but it," _I drop my eyes to the floor and clear my throat._ "It wasn't the other option either."

"Then what **was** it?" _another snap as she has to keep herself from taking another step toward me._

"I don't ask you what your indiscretions with Dyson-or Tamsin are." _This time it's me who snaps as I look up to meet her eyes. _

_I've done what I said I wouldn't do. I've showed emotion and fell into her trap once again. I've not only showed hurt for her actions with Dyson, but I've also allowed her to see passed that. I've allowed her to know I still care enough to hold onto something that should feel like ages ago given these past few months. _

_With twelve words I've already admitted my defeat. _

"I was so worried about you and—"

"You were worried about me, so you have sex with Dyson?" _I chuckle through a snort_. "Do me a favor Bo, don't worry about me anymore."

"I know how that sounded but I was." _She hangs her head for the first time. It's now her turn to play the victim, to make me feel bad for making her feel bad for making me feel bad in the first place. I know this game well._ "I've been scared and worried about you, about what's happening, about myself."

"You don't need to make excuse to me Bo. You don't owe me any." _I stop short of reminding her we aren't together anymore, this is how I know she's already winning this game of ours. _

"I'm sorry," _she lets out in a sigh, looking up to find my eyes._ "I—I was lonely."

"Don't talk to me about lonely." _I can hear the coldness in my own voice but something about her choice of words pisses me off more than anything._

"Lauren—"

"Don't," _I hold my hand up and shake my head trying desperately to bite my tongue._ "Don't ever talk to me about loneliness Bo, especially not now." _I turn around, running my hand through my hair trying to quickly gain perspective. To remember what this has all been about or rather what my end goal is. To remind myself that I already know how Bo is going to respond, all I have to do is keep calm and it will be over soon. She can't fight me if I don't respond. _

"You don't think I get lonely?"

"I have no doubt you get lonely Bo," _I look back over my shoulder at her._ "I just don't think you know the true meaning of the word."

"What is that supposed to mean?"

"Nothing." _I shake my head, looking back down at the desk._

"I may not have a fancy degree Lauren, but I know what I feel."

"Yes Bo I'm sure you do." _I nod and turn back around to face her._ "I'm sure it is so lonely for you having a grandfather who loves you and will do anything for you. I'm sure it gets so lonely those few nights when Dyson isn't up your ass pledging his eternal love. I'm sure it's so lonely having your best friend with you every second of the day. I'm sure it's so lonely having every man and woman, human and Fae alike lusting after you." _I shake my head noticing my own tears pooling in the corners of my eyes._ "I'm sure it's so damn lonely having me being madly in love with you." _I can't help but snort and turn back around._ "It just sounds so damn lonely for you Bo."

"Y—you don't know—"

"I don't know what Bo?" _against better judgment, I turn around once more_. "I haven't see my friends let alone my family in years Bo, they don't even know I'm alive anymore. I don't have a best friend or as it turns out, I don't have any friends at all. No one to run to when I'm having a bad day or just need a friendly smile instead of death glares and whispers. I don't have a wolf chasing after me every single moment of the day trying to prove how much he loves me." _I can't help but snort. _"In fact, I don't have anyone trying to prove they love me."

"Lauren—"

"I am not free Bo, I haven't been free in a very long time. You think that the cage the Fae want to put me in is the only one I'm running from, it's not. I don't have the freedom nor the-charm to go into clubs or hell even a Subway and get anyone I want to keep my bed warm on the nights I need to be held. Some nights I just lay awake staring up at the ceiling while tears fall down my cheeks near pathetically because I am so alone. At least before with Nadia—in a weird way I didn't feel so alone. I was trying to save her, it gave me a purpose, a purpose other than to be a slave."

"You never told me—"

"Told you what? What am I supposed to tell you Bo?" _I try to sniffle back the tears. _"Do you want to hear about how guilty I feel about what I did, even though there is absolutely no need to? Do you want to hear about how in a moment of weakness, of pure loneliness I climbed into someone's bed? Do you want to hear about my days of running and my nights of hiding? Of fake names and starvation? Do you want me to tell you about real worry? Or maybe I should tell you about how for just a single moment I wanted to feel like someone cared about me. For just a single moment the pain of everything was too much to bear and I needed to feel something other than that pain. I wanted to forget that my so called friends didn't think once to take a moment from their precious day to come looking for me. For one moment I wanted someone to want me, to need me, to make me feel like something other than nothing. I wanted to feel the way I felt when you touched me," _I look away, blinking back tears to the best of my faltering ability. _"Or maybe all you care to know is that it pallid in comparison."

"Y—yes." _She answers almost as if she is unsure of her own words._

"I didn't tell you Bo because we don't talk, not really. We chase each other over and over again until we dizzy and run into each other. Sometimes it's just a night and other times it's longer, but we are always just chasing each other."

"That isn't true."

"No?" _I sort of chuckle as I let my head hang, watching tears slip from my cheeks onto the floor._

"No." _she almost snaps at me. Her hands grabbing my cheeks forcing my face up so she can see her handy work._ "I love you Lauren—Karen—whatever other name you may have or will have. It doesn't matter to me because I meant what I said, I know who you are."

"You don't." _I shake my head in her hands, eyes closing as tears slip through._

"Fine, I don't." _she uses her thumbs to wipe the tears from my cheeks._ "Then let me get to know you." _She sort of laughs through her own tears, this smile that is nothing short of a plea._ "Come home with me and I promise you we'll talk. We'll lock ourselves in my room and just talk. We'll talk about everything and anything. We won't come out until there isn't a thing about each other we don't know. Just_," her voice breaks as her hands drop to mine._ "Just come home with me."

"I—I can't Bo." _I shake my head before letting it fall forward._

"We could make this work." _She leans in, lips resting on my cheek._ "I know we can Lauren." _A kiss to my jaw. _"I know you know it too." _A kiss to my cheek just beside my lips._ "Just come home with me." _Her lips cover mine for a sweet, gentle, longing filled kiss. It's a kiss that nearly breaks my heart, along with my resolve._

"The L Word was a complete lie. Six seasons of thigh moistening sex scenes convincing me lesbian life was the way to go but yet what I do get in reality? Monologues that would bore Virginia Woolf." _My eyes shift over to Evony as she walks in, smirk curving her lips. _

_Bo takes a step back and then another, she doesn't look over to Evony even as she passes us going to the desk. I want to look away, I know I need to hide my drying tears but instead I watch as she takes another step away from me. _

_Her lips part and I await her to ask me again, to say something but she only takes another step away. She's waiting for me to follow, her eyes pleading with me to come with her. Her right hand slightly extended from her side as if reaching for me. _

_I want to go. I want to buy into her words once more as I always do. I want to block out the pain as I've learned to do and enjoy the feel of her touch, the warmth of her embrace. Believe in her promises. _

_I want her but beyond her, I want a future with her. _

_That can't happen if I don't stay strong. That can't happen if I don't stick to my plan. That can't happen if I trade in an entire future for a single night of pleasure. _

_I clench my jaw, blink back the tears and shake my head speaking an unspoken goodbye. _

_She stops, eyes narrowing as she peers into mine. It's a gaze so intense it feels like the world has been stripped away, like she is looking straight into my soul. _

"Your real family will be waiting." _She whispers under her breath before turning her back to me, and once again I'm left standing here watching her walk away._

_For a mere moment I could swear she believed in me._


	9. Momento Mori

Even though she left the room, full of the usual strength she always carried in her eyes, I could hear the slight gasp when her heels stopped clicking right outside the door. A gasp that told me she was trying not to cry.

I had broken her heart again. The third, fourth, fifth or who knows how many times it was now, but I had done it again. I broke the heart of the one woman and person I would love until my puny existence as a human finally came to an end in this fae world.

I had to fight to not chase after her, grab her and run. Say yes to everything she proposed in finding freedom for us. Then those proposals became like all the ones before throughout my life. A promise of freedom wrapped up in a cage of some extenuating circumstance. She would have to claim me; we would have to still operate under the laws of the fae while running from the Una Mens.

I couldn't resist and took two steps before my resolve forced me to stop. I had a plan and I needed to follow through on it. I let out a slow breath, hearing her heels click away. Harder and angrier.

I dropped my head, looking down at the shiny floor of the Morrigan's office. I had to recite to myself over and over. I had a plan and I needed to stick to it. If I did, I would be able to stop running and have the fae run from me.

I took a moment, running my hands over the expensive black dress Evony chose for me. Straightening my head and my back, this would be the beginning of the end. No matter how much it hurt to break Bo's heart with lies and fringe truths, she would understand in the end.

I hoped she would.

I left Evony's office and went back to the apartment the light fae had given me all those years ago. A clean and comfortable prison cell. No matter how hard I tried to decorate the bland and sterile apartment with my art or the little things that made a place a home, it was still my prison cell. I was an indentured slave and servant with nice furniture. I sighed hard, moving up to my bedroom to change and continue packing.

I climbed out of the dress and the equally as expensive shoes, placing both in the box with my other dresses and shoes for the moving truck. I had only started packing the day before with Evony hovering over me and prattling on about how the dark fae would treat me like a human, that I would have the freedom I sought out for years with the freedom to move around as I so chose.

I let the soft t-shirt fall over me as my arms slid in. Tying my hair up in a ponytail I went back downstairs to my small home lab. I had to get to work on step one of my plans before the dark fae movers showed up in the morning to cart away my things.

Sitting at my desk I pulled open the bottom drawer, lifting the false bottom and removing the last few years of research I had worked on that was now complete. I had made the last breakthrough during Bo's dawning. In an attempt to find something to slow down her devolving into a underfae, I had unlocked the biggest secret to the fae genetics that had suddenly given me all the power in their world.

I set the thick pile of notes and formulas, placing my hands on top. I was three steps away from setting it all in motion, then everything went to hell and time became a blur. Life became a blur and I had to break her heart and run, make her and the rest of them think I had taken the next best offer of promised freedom. Turn against them and choose the enemy, which was the furthest from the truth but realized far too late for them to ask for my forgiveness.

I dug through the other drawers, looking for a pen when I came to the top drawer. Sliding it open, running my hands over rulers and notepads, I noticed something was missing. Something I had placed in that drawer to be dealt with later.

The necklace I wanted to give Bo before our break and everything fell to hell, was gone. I bent down and searched frantically around the drawer, anger building thinking that Evony had taken it as another bargaining chip or carrot to dangle in front of Bo's face.

I couldn't find it, slamming the drawer in frustration I stood up. Walking over to my phone to text that she beast Morrigan.

"Are you looking for this?"

Her voice would always stop my heart, had from the first moment I met her. Even tinged anger, it would always stop me cold.

I turned to Bo, standing in the middle of my apartment. She looked different then when I saw her earlier. She was harder, sadder and determined. Wearing her usual black tank top, black leather jacket, black tight pants with her knife strapped across her thighs, she still looked impossibly gorgeous and sent my body and heart in motion.

Bo held out the long white jewelry box in her palm, outstretched towards me.

I slowly set my phone down, my resolve crumbling slowly the more the seconds passed as I looked at her. I had to stay strong, "Bo, I am glad you are here." I succeeded in hiding the emotion in my voice by the way she grit her teeth.

I motioned for her to take a seat, "I want to talk to you about earlier."

Bo shook her head, setting the white box down on my table, "There is nothing more to talk about Lauren, you made it pretty clear at the Morrigan's. Pretty clear that I have no place in your life right now." she folded her arms like she always did right before she pouted when I delayed bending to her seduction right away. "I came to return this and tell you that I can't do this anymore Lauren."

I let my eyes fall to the white box, "Bo, this is a strange time for all of us, a difficult time with the Una Mens and both sides struggling to survive." I moved closer to the table. "We all need to stick together, figure out what happens next." I was filling the room with inconsequential conversation; I was on the edge of breaking and telling Bo my plan. The plan that I was doing all for her. Everything I had done in the last few years was for her and her alone.

"I can't do this, us, anymore Lauren." It came out hard, harder than I had ever known the succubus to speak towards me. Bo suddenly stopped, mouth twitching as she found her strength, "You broke my heart, again, at Evony's. You keep breaking my heart, Lauren. Every time I think we get to a place where I see nothing but the road ahead for us. You push me away, lie to me, and make up some bullshit excuse why you can't just come with me. Be with me." Bo swallowed hard as tears filled the deep brown eyes that held my entire world. Bo stepped to the table, pointing at the white box, "When my memories came back and I escaped that train, you were all I thought of. How to get back to you, find you and tell you that the break is over. I would do everything in my power to find you and set you free. Free to be with me and find the normal life we both want and deserve, together. I didn't care who you were, I just know I love you, Lauren."

I stood frozen, listening to the woman who had made me feel so much in the short few years I had known her. It was because of her I finally started fighting back, fighting for my freedom and stop feeling sorry for myself and the mistakes I made. I moved closer and sat on the edge of the couch, between the table and the frustrating and incredible woman only I could tame.

Bo shifted in her stance, "I found that necklace when Kenzi and I were trying to clues where to find you." She took a deep breath, "The note. It. It made me realize that even though my nature as a succubus will always make it difficult for me to be monogamous." she looked up and met my eyes, "I will only ever love one person with my whole heart. You Lauren. It would only ever be you." She took a step back, "But I can't do this. I am not dark. This is something I will reverse because it's not my choice." Bo looked away from me as a tear slid down her face, "You have made your choice and I understand it. I see that we will always be the impossible romance. No matter what, something will always keep us apart and I don't think I can handle another heartbreak."

She looked up in my eyes holding them for a second before she spoke, her voice trembling with tears, "You've broken my heart for the last time Lauren."

She took another step back and before she could say her goodbye, I spoke. I had too, I couldn't stand it anymore after the woman finally poured her heart out to me and was seemingly giving me what I wanted.

"Bo, do you know that everything I do and have done, has been for you. Pushing you away, breaking your heart a thousand times. Letting you go so you could not struggle with feeding properly and starve yourself?" I sat, my eyes shifting to the box on the table, "For all the times I broke your heart, you broke mine."

Bo huffed in her usual petulant way and went to leave the apartment before I could finish, "Whatever Lauren, I have to go. My family needs me." The emphasis on family was hard and purposeful, letting me know she was going to move on without me.

I stood up from the couch quickly, taking quick strides until my hand was on her wrist. Squeezing with just enough force to get her to stop and whirl around to face me. Dark brown eyes full of hurt and anger, both things I placed there. Bo was angry when she hissed, "Let go of me."

I held tighter, my voice rising to meet hers, "No, Bo. Let me finish." I held her eyes as I continued, "Love isn't easy. Lovers hurt each other and break hearts; it's all a part of this cycle of life. It's how we learn to survive." I took a deep breath in, holding her as she tried to squirm away. I knew I only had a few more minutes before the succubus started to take a hold from anger, "You and I shouldn't work. There is a million reasons why, one being our different biological imperatives."

Bo squinted harder at me, "Let me go Lauren before I get angry." I knew was two minutes away from the blue eyes replacing the brown.

I slid my hand from her wrist to find hers, my fingers still fitting perfectly with hers, "You have changed my life Bo. You made me want to fight after I broke your heart the first time. Every day since then I have made all of my decisions and actions based on love and wanting to find the freedom to love you like I need to and you deserve." I dropped her hand when I didn't feel her make any move to return the hold. I looked up in her eyes, "Every stupid thing I do that pushes you further away from me, infuriates you and makes you think twice about my true motives is all for you. Every time I break your heart it's because I am trying to fight my way out of this stupid fae world and find my freedom to be a human again." I paused as my own tears threatened to fall, "For us to be able to love and be in love without having to look over our shoulders and wonder when the next Garuda, the next Taft and the next round of Una Mens maniacs is going to break down the door and ask more from us."

I took a step back from Bo, fighting the urge to just pull her in my arms and hold her, never let her go. "You make me want to stop running, stand my ground and fight for the woman I love. I have never wanted to do that in the last five years. I just bowed and cowered to this almighty race of fools." I turned and walked to my desk.

I couldn't hide from her anymore. The heartache was now overwhelming. I was losing her for good and ultimately if I lost her, there was no real reason other than to destroy the fae out of revenge. I would become Taft without her love grounding me.

I threw the piles of research on the couch, pages fluttering to the floor, "I am done, Bo. I am done breaking your heart and hiding from you." I pointed at the files, "That is why I pushed you away for the thousandth time."

Bo looked at me, her face still riddled with anger but my words had softened her. "What is it? More secret fae formulas to help my hunger or keep me from devolving?" She laughed irritated, "Or is it some secret mind erasing potion to make us all forget we live in this messed up world." Bo shook her head, "Been there and done that Lauren."

I leaned on the edge of my desk, "What if I told you that I was in the beginning stages of destroying the fae completely. That I had found the key to make all of you human. Bring you down to my level." I looked up slowly at Bo, "That I joined the dark to destroy them from the inside out."

Bo's smug look faded but was still on her face. Her eyes left mine, moving to the files on the couch, "What are you trying to tell me Lauren, just say it." her tone was flippant and lit my temper.

I strode over to the couch and angrily grabbed handfuls of paper, "For the last two years, this is all I have worked on. Unlocking the key to leveling the goddamn playing field for once in my life as a slave to the fae." I flicked page after page back on to the floor, "All those little adventures and missions the Ash sent me out on. I collected and saved samples. Taking them home and working tirelessly to come up with anything. Then I finally found it in Taft's facility. I had to hide it from you again, I had to be the bitchy cold doctor and keep all of you at arm's length so I could hide the truth." I threw the last page on the floor, "All because I am hopelessly in love with you Bo and I cannot see past the one thing I want and have wanted for the last two years." I didn't hear my voice rise to the point of almost yelling until I stopped and looked at Bo. Wide eyed and jaw clenched. I rarely ever yelled at her or showed such a strong frustration towards her. Until now.

I took a calming breath as angry tears poured down my face, "All I want is you, Bo. The freedom to have you and not worry about anything other than how much I love you." I closed my eyes, "That's why I wanted to give you the necklace. A small promise that one day I would make it happen for you and I. Make those dreams of trips to Egypt and kids running around a white picket fence come true."

I fell to sit on the edge of the couch, sobs threatening to spill over, "Everything I have done and will do is for you Bo." I leaned forward, my head in my hands, "You are my family and I want nothing to more than to come home to you, but I couldn't. I can't yet."

I broke and sobbed, letting out the emotions I had held in since I let her walk away from me at the Morrigan's office.

I felt her warm hands on my wrists, tugging them gently for me to look up. Bo was crying just as hard as I was. "Lauren." her voice was raspy, her thumbs wiping away my tears she said nothing. Only holding my face with both of her hands. Making me sigh at the touch of her warm and strong hands as they held me.

I looked in her teary eyes, "I love you, Bo."

Bo half smiled, letting out a soft sigh with a sob she bent forward and kissed me. Kissed me unlike all the other times we had kissed. This kiss was deep, intense and full of her letting go of all the anger she held at me. I grabbed the sides of her face and kissed her back, returning the emotion she gave me.

It was the first time in our entire existence together that we were both finally letting go. Letting go of the strange invisible bonds that kept us from giving in completely to one another.

When Bo pulled from my lips, licking them like she always did when we kissed, she opened her eyes, meeting mine she smiled. "Then we do this together. We fight together, we fight for your freedom the way you want and I will stand next to you the entire way." she kissed my cheek, moving closer to my ear to whisper, "You have my whole heart and you are the only one I am human with and the only one I will ever be human with. I love you Lauren." She pulled back, smiling through a breath she stood up.

Holding her hand out for me I took it, letting my fingers fall into hers I wiped my eyes. "You know when I do this; they will never stop hunting me. Hunting the human who can turn the fae." I looked down at our hands, "It will be dangerous."

Bo nodded, and the one smile that melt my heart the first time I saw it, spilled over her face, "It will be dangerous for them, they will have to go through a succubus and a protective girlfriend before they get to you." She moved to the white box, still clutching on to my hand.

Bo scooped the white box up and held it out to me, "Will you do the honors?"

I smiled; slowly removing my hand from hers I opened the box. Lifting the simple necklace with the simple charm that held so much power and meaning in its wrought silver, I held it up. I reached across Bo, clasping the necklace around her neck. I moved back, pressing the charm down against her chest, "Together."

Bo covered my hand, "Together." She slid her arms around my waist and held me close against her. I tucked my chin against her shoulder, breathing in deep the woman in my arms and knowing that this was what I had fought for all these years and would continue to fight for.

I no longer had to hide it from her or anyone else. I was finally able to love Bo completely with everything I had. Even if it meant I was going to overturn the entire balance of an ancient race.

She was worth it.


	10. Declaration of a Succubus

**Declaration of a Succubus**

_Bo's POV_

Her hand touched my arm in a fashion that signaled an indifferent goodbye. I couldn't understand those few words she spoke. _I'll see ya around. _As if I was just a colleague or a member of her monthly science geek club. There was little emotion in her expression, compounding my confusion of her sudden change of heart. I knew I was more than that. My heart felt it, my head thought it, and her own prior spoken words expressed it. _I'll see ya around_. Like a child being dismissed from class, her tone echoed closure of our time together as Bo and Lauren: the succubus and her human doctor.

I continued breathing but the oxygen felt thinner. Deeper breaths did nothing to provide me the air I needed. My inner succubus raged inside me. Lauren was the only one who taught me how to control it all those years ago, when life was simpler and love was easier. If there was ever a time to prove her talents, the attention to it of which I paid, and the spell she cast over me, it was now. I suppressed that rage, fighting my human self versus my succubus to maintain dignity and composure in the face of agony. My heart hurt. Ached. Broke. I couldn't lose her. Not like this. Not to the Fae and certainly not to the Dark.

"When you're ready to come back to your real family, just say the word."

These were the only words I could say as I felt my control slip slightly in favor of the succubus fighting to the surface. It pained me to say them, to give in and to give her what she asked of me. Holding her hand in mine though, I felt the love. I felt her love for me, so why did her spoken words reflect otherwise? I held back the blue glow as I dropped her hand and left her presence. Leaving her air space starved me. The reality of stepping away and leaving her to live and love without me ripped at the foundation of my humanity. Those few steps carried me outside the room but no further. Dizziness overcame my senses and I leaned against a wall, hoping contact with something concrete would ground me from the abstract emotions conquering my entire being. Three deep breaths did nothing to soothe the anguish in my chest. Being just several steps away from her and I began to lose control. I knew I would be consumed by the agony from within if I tried to leave the floor let alone the building. I swallowed one last gulp and with a blink of my eyes, the dark browns were drowned in blue. Bright, glowing swirls of blues that I could not contain any further.

That heart ache inside me and the lost judgment of the moment declared my succubus the winner as she sprung forth with a vengeance. My human was pushed aside as my Fae silently declared war on any who stepped between me and the doctor. No one would take her away. No one. Especially the Dark. Especially the Morrigan. Standing tall and confident, I turned the corner and retraced my steps. She hadn't moved an inch in those few minutes I was gone, and my return to that room brought me face to face with her: my love, my doctor, my Lauren. She stared into my gaze, absorbing every drop of brilliant blue looking back at her.

"Bo?"

The small hint of fear in her voice saddened me. My succubus may have been in charge but I would have died before I hurt her. I understood her concern though so I allowed the moment to pass without reacting harshly to her single whispered word. Fortunately she didn't flinch or run from me as I moved closer, comforting my sadness that she ultimately knew I would never do her harm. I needed her to understand that I couldn't leave. I loved her with such conviction that walking away was sacrificing my life because living without her would be worse than death. Whether she knew it or not, my love for her: the human, the doctor, the woman; dictated my actions and would never let me leave her. Ever.

I reached for her, both hands framing her beautiful face as I gasped the instance my skin connected with hers. No pulses, no forced response of submission: just Lauren in front of me, who closed her eyes and inhaled the slowest of breaths while she bit her lip and fought to control what I knew was her true love desperate to burst forth from inside. Without words I understood her true feelings, but I still battled to comprehend why she said otherwise.

"Why are you lying to me?"

I spoke with a breathy whisper, knowing that any more emotion brought forth would truly render my human incapacitated and the succubus to unleash her full control.

"Bo…"

When her eyes opened, her deep stare into mine was broken only by a glance to a corner behind me. I sensed no physical presence there but knew her simple look away from me signaled a clue to solving the puzzle of her conflicted words. I dropped my hands to my sides and turned away, casually looking from one corner to the next. They were easy to identify: the cameras hidden in plain sight. We were being watched, and whatever the brilliant doctor had planned, I now knew I risked exposing it. I looked at the floor to shift my focus away from my instincts to smash those cameras and take what was rightfully mine. Like she always did, Lauren read my current behaviors, seeing them as potentially unstable, and drew my attention back to her.

"Bo. Look at me."

I easily obeyed that command, spinning around to find her one step closer and invading my space. She stood so close I could feel the heat between our bodies escalate. I tried to control my physical response. I tried to reign in the love I felt for her but I couldn't. I needed her. I wanted her. I was created just for her. I kept the volume of my voice low, whispering so no one or no camera would pick up on my sounds but her.

"I can't leave Lauren. Don't you see? I'm yours. You own me. You always have. You always will."

_Lauren's POV_

My heart sang the melodies of our love song as her succubus declared the impossible for her species: commitment, allegiance and devotion of a lifetime of love to a single human. Against all the knowledge I possessed about her kind, I honestly held no doubt in her words or in her ability to fulfill them, but I hadn't planned for this. Everything I planned was still months in the making and yet here she stood, the woman who captured my heart and love in such an incredible magnitude that I actually considered sleeping with the Morrigan just to save Bo's life. While unexpected, her declaration was more than welcome. I should have known better than to design a lengthy plan to de-Fae the Morrigan and render her powerless while I pretended to not love my succubus anymore. After all, I knew what was said about the best laid plans, and here lie a perfect example of such.

She saw my facial features soften as I tried to silently convey my own love for her, and the fraction of a smile forming on her lips told me I had succeeded.

"Follow me."

It was the only neutral phrase I could whisper without professing my feelings or exposing my ultimate plan in this open space. I avoided adding any additional heaviness to the moment as I stepped around her and walked to the stairs that ascended to my private quarters: the only space void of cameras or recordings or any Fae big brother that spied upon the Dark Fae compound. As we walked, her succubus still dominated her physical being and her human remained hidden within. I didn't need to look in her eyes to know her Fae followed me up those stairs to my front door. The intensity of our connection made me take each step a little quicker and I began to lose my own resolve at resisting her touch and returning my own.

Unlocking the door and forcing it open, I stepped inside and walked ahead without hesitation. I heard her shut that steel barrier and the lock click in place only moments before her hands grasped my hips from behind, inducing my lungs to fill with the fullest of breaths. The exhale cleansed my mind of all plans and all ideas to save Bo from the dark or their evil deception. It wasn't Bo that needed saved; that needed protected. If anything, my succubus and my human, Bo, would be the one to cast destruction upon the Dark for the mere thought of me choosing them over her.

She slid the zipper of my dress downward, the cool air hitting my heated skin favorably as she kissed my shoulders with a restrained caress. Her gentleness made me smile, but I didn't want gentle. I wanted that succubus who presented herself with the gift of love for me and me alone. The dress dropped to the floor and my own heightened need replaced the little remaining patience within. I stepped from the heap of black satin, turned and pulled her against me, finally tasting the kiss of my succubus and the surface of what she offered. Lips as sweet as they were fierce pressed against me sealing my acceptance of her undeniable pledge. I pushed the sheer, thin blouse from her shoulders and worked rapid fingers over the buttons on her vest. She shared her own impatience for my touch when she ripped that partially unbuttoned top from her own chest. Pressing body against wanting body, the sexual tension erupted between us. Her flexing arms fit snugly within my grasp as her physical strength guided me to my back. Soft cushions caught my fall with a greater care than our escalating movements. My nails dug firmly into her skin and her hips pressed firmly into mine. I moaned into her neck as she playfully nipped my collarbone. I needed more of our skin and less of our clothes all at once.

With a swift attempt, I grasped the edge of my panties and pushed them as low as arms length would allow before she ripped them away completely. There was my succubus, blue eyes burning into me with the passion I craved. Seeing her need as I heard her low throaty growl drove my hands to her breasts, my mouth to her neck and my completely naked body arching into hers. She accepted my grasps and my kisses while she fumbled with the awkward attempt to shed her own remaining clothing.

Feeling her breath on my skin doused me within my own private cloud of salacious pleasure. The sounds of her heavy breathing mixed with mine and fueled my already profound arousal. Her shoes clunked mercilessly to the floor and she wrestled her pants away as I maintained her fiercely in my hold. Each shift of her body against mine beautifully tortured my soul and further adjusted the perfect fit of her frame to mine. Finally, our fully undressed bodies danced against the other with heated and willing reciprocity. I slid my possessive touch over her back and grasped at her hips, grinding mine upward as I became desperate for release. The wetness flooding my center coated my inner thighs. Each breath that escaped our lips carried mutual echoes of moans and gasps escalating in volume and repetition as our carnal cravings roared openly between us.

Lacking the space I wanted, I rolled my succubus and together we tumbled to the floor, energetically keeping our pace of questing hands and probing tongues. The ungraceful shift to the floor pinned the succubus beneath my body. Dominating her Fae drove my pleasure to new heights. The sweat glazing our bodies created a slick coating that reduced friction between the vast amount of our skin touching and pressing together. My fingers dipped between her spread legs as hers did mine, draining the air from my lungs and surging forth another deluge of wetness from my center. Rhythmic strokes upon marvelous stroke triggered hips to rock fiercely. My mouth locked upon hers with a taste of the inevitable about to erupt between us. My fingers danced in tune with hers and my following action of sliding inside her wanting core engaged the woman, the Fae, and the succubus within her. Her lips separated from mine yet remained close enough for our mouths to inhale each others hastened breaths. My climax was building as was hers. I stroked in and out of her as she coated my hand with evidence of her desire. I opened my eyes, starting into my love, and her blue gaze grew brighter as her inner walls grasped my fingers from within. Her lips parted slightly and her inhale pulled a thin line of burning blue light from my own. Her drink of my chi provoked my own orgasm as I bucked into her hand and cried out into that blue stream of passion leaving my body and entering hers. She reversed that flow quickly, pushing back into my being as I felt another wave explode within us both. My fingers still buried deep within her, the pleasure coursing through us transcended our own physical presence. Tasting her very essence made all the science and logic ever taught lack true understanding of life and the greater scope of basic existence. Our mutual cresting brought cries of pleasure humming into the space around us; glorious swells of gratification enveloped our bodies, our minds and our hearts.

I collapsed on to my succubus, riding high from the indulgence we shared. My gorgeous brunette cradled me in her arms and defined her combination of tenderness and strength as I bathed in the lingering mist of our coupling. I grazed my fingertips over her chest while pulling gentle moans of pleasure from her throat as she enjoyed the trails of graceful touches. Caressing her skin, hearing her sounds, or gazing upon blue or brown eyes and a smile that would dominate any other thought in my mind: those were the very basic actions I took at every available moment to feed my need of her. My love for her transcended any plan to stay with the dark or return to the light. Absorbing her heart beats against me, I knew that, no matter how any plan played out, or what the next steps would bring, our end game was pre-determined. Fate and our undying love for one another would always bring us together. No matter the challenge or the struggle yet to occur, our destinies remained solidly locked in the arms of the other: just a human doctor and her succubus.

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